*MISS ONG

2009-02-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

i already felt bad and miserable enough.

to make things worst, she reprimanded on me.

im not a lousy student at all.

i came to lab on time. i can come to lab when no ppl are here yet and start doing my task.i done all i can to finish up my tasks.

i hate it when yuu named ME as one of them.

to think in my heart, yuu are a great lecturer.

thanks for the conclusion tht yuu concluded on me.

greatly appreciated.and pls don judge people just of the people around them.

nothing fancy me and im truly upset.real upset.

thou i graduated but the last day in nyp was a trauma that i never wanted to look back on the place that i had so much happy moments in for the last 3years.

full of miseries these 2weeks. im collapsing.

2009-02-05T11:33:00.002+08:00

//BRRRR....im really busy with my project.

and ive problems thinking straight i think.

ive decided to dump this friend away.

dump is a harsh word but all these days, i watched this person behave and she changed to someone i never know. all the years of friendship accumulated were redundant.

all these years, the efforts of bulding up this friendship was furtile. it was meaningless when it broke apart into pieces of shattered glass.

i really could not be bothered whether will this person be reading this or this person knows something from gossip-mongers or this person can sense it thru my msn and my actions.

i really cant be bothered anymore. i really do not want to care anymore.

the effort i tried to build up for this friendship went furtile from the moment this person hurts me deeply. those words pierced thru me when i thought this person would never do it.

this person betrayed the trust i had to him/her. i was deeply disappointed but as time goes by, i need to let go of this crucial truth that this person had given me.

i will only hate this person more if i continue to smile at this person or even think about that particular nasty thing this person did to me.

mr joseph had a hard time to persuade to step out of it. but as time goes by, i started to get used to this deadly fact. sometimes i teared not because its over; its due to the fact that this person is someone once so dear to me and the hard time we shared together went meaningless.it is such a waste.

katherine mcphee- its over

I'm over your lies,
And I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
When you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
And I pick up the phone.
And though you be telling me,
I know your not alone.
Ohh...

Thats why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
Because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
But now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
And I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
And fill me with self-doubt.
Ohh...

Thats why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(i'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you to be wanting me,
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
Because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
But now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,
Don't come by,
Ain't no use,
Don't ask me why,
You'll never change,
There'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
Because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
But now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

2009-01-23T09:05:00.002+08:00

//thought yuu were true to me.

thought yuu were my everything.

thought yuu will nv betrayed me.

thought yuu will nv made me cry.

i was wrong.

disappointed.upset.but what can i do?

the hatred forever that stays.

2009-01-16T10:50:00.002+08:00

// i will never forgive yuu cause i never ever will forget how much hurt yuu bring to me.

the hatred stays forever in my heart. my heart is bleeding with such treatments and yuu shld know more then anyone else how i been treating yuuu from year1 to year3.

i will never give myself any chance to forgive yuu.i wont.

2009-01-09T14:09:00.002+08:00

//i realise that people do change and attitude depends on oneself.

and yesh. i forgotten to mention abt my "wonderful" 21st bdae celebration.
bf bought a cake,wished and ready to eat.
after that: bf,calvin,remes,jc were performing a dance for me to see.then, jc started singing songs.
den were forced to kiss with bf cause its the last night in beijing.BRRRRR....
fought with darren and sweated thru. HA.
and called aisya and she sang her beautiful bdae song. tv premier version.
miss serene's wishes and blah blah blah...

touched down in singapore.
smth really amusing happened.
mr joseph tan actually bought a slice of cake for me and wanted to celebrate with me and intended to sing a bdae song.
but had the wrong information that i was actually coming back on 2jan night 825pm and not 825am go back to school.
in the end, he ate the cake himself.
POOR HIM.
but really thankful for all the wishes, the celebrations including the intended to celebrate ones.

21st birthday celebrated just like this. nothing fanciful, glamorous or whatsoever.
simple and sweet (:

//PERFORMANCE PHOTOS.

-bf and me ;

the one i fought the most in beijing: darren ;

my buddy miss grace loo ;

the gang and my lao da- shaofeng ;

mr jc;

-my room mate ;

with the engineering guys;

the ballrooom guy, mr conrad;

-keith and bf ; the printers buddies.

2009-01-05T17:01:00.005+08:00

//GOODBYE 2008; say hi to 2009! (:

there are so many things that happened in year2008.

basically,apr2008 to aug2008; i met great friends from my newly formed class clustered with the same specialisation.

year3 1st semester was a great year to start off in nyp.

there might be disagreements, misunderstandings, fights here and there.

i remembered vividly that there was a period that aisya and i clashed tons of times cause of her laziness.

2008 was a year that i became real unhealthy. i fell badly ill; i went to tan tock seng hospital in the middle of the night like 4am and i really thought at that moment i would lose everyone and leave this world.and that critical moment, i really just want to say goodbye and close my eyes.

2008 is a year of infernal affairs; there are always unhappy stuffs happening around.

and i spent the last 2 months of 2008 in beijing and as usual. happy and unhappy times.

thanks to all the great people that made up my colourful 2008!

thank all for the great memories.

especially the people mentioned below; im so thankful that yuu people exist in my world and the appreciation that yuu people given me for the past year and i really hope that the relationship, the friendship continues (:

BC- my 19months old baby.the one who never failed to take care of me. in beijing, i had fever during xmas and pathetic him had to stay in my room to look at me sleep, wear the thick thick winterwear to go out and buy food for me to eat. boil hot water for me in that lousy kettle, cook cup noodles with egg for me when the other friends went to town to have fun.

i nagged,i scolded,i cried,i angry,i happy,i upset,i agitated,i excited,i motivated all because of him.

there are times that we fought till we cried,there are times that we are too happy that we did not bother when some bomb will come and made us exploded.there are times when we practically ignored each other just cause we are damn pissed with each other.

thanks for all the love and care tht yuu showered me (:

aisya - the click that always stays with me no matter what. the girl that never left me alone. always there to listen to me this and that. i nag alot but all is good for yuu. i love her accompanyment, i love her smses, i cant help think of her and start smsing her. the days in beijing is so bored without her.

serene, vincci, jc, joseph. these people really made me feel that im not alone.

grace, remes, calvin. the new friends that never failed to make me laugh and b there for me.

next post will be uploaded with performance photos.

LOVE all.

2008-12-29T09:28:00.003+08:00

week 6 day number 37.

I AM GOING HOME!!

and 2008 is going to be over.

this beijing trip is really fruitful and its real challenging.

no matter in friendship or whatever ship that yuu can be reminded of.

there will be some events that happened that yuu will never forget.

there will be a couple of people that yuu hoped he/she will never leave yuu now.

there will be some yummy stuffs that yuu hoped yuu can bring back to singapore.

there will be definitely tons of things that yuu hoped yuu never lose them when yuu go back to singapore.

through this 6weeks, i was deeply traumatized,happy,excited,delighted.

ive seen the true colours of how some of my friends act.

and it made me real stunned. it left me speechless.

perhaps there will be people who felt that i am a real weird freak.

cause i slept at 1130pm to 12am every night.

and i bathed twice.once in the morning and once at night.

my lights went off when they were going to start their activity.

and what i always do at night was slack and watched tv. cheena shows are real nice.

i jus went to sleep when im real tired. i believe by getting sufficient rest, i will be fine.

the 2 sick incidents.

i had fever during week2 cause my dearest room-mate switched on the heater to 30degrees when im not in the room. and this is common sense,the weather outside the building was 5degrees and yr room temperature is 30degrees.please do your maths and remember the difference. it will definitely make yuu fell ill.

and without switching on the heater(fyi,it acts like the air-con when its summer in cheena), there is actually a normal cooler which looks like metal pieces in the room and with that, yuu can keep real warm. and the formula of not being disturbed in the middle of the night due to the coldness is to wear more.

fyi, i wore 1thermal, my long sleeve pyjamas and 2jackets to sleep. and my bottom is my track pants and thermal pants plus the socks.

these were enough to make me sleep through the night soundly.

if yuu think yuu are cold, just wear more. why isit so difficult ? i really don understand how some ppl think.

and the second time that i fell ill was just few days ago.

i had fever once again cause i didnt wore my thermal suit out for dinner when i had xmas performance cause the thermal made yuu looked real fugly and ugly with the low cut shirt that my in-charge bought for the girls for the dance performance.

and till now im still coughing when wind blew on me and im having a blocked nose as usual and i think my nose bleed this morning when im bathing and the sight of it really frightened me and i felt so disgusted by it.

food that will be deeply missed.

the steamed dumplings. tender skin and juicy. cheap as ever. 10 for sgd0.70(rmb3.50)

the original fried chicken by kfc.

the dishes in jin ban wan.

singaporeans act like millionaires in cheena cause its so cheap for us to eat here. and we can eat good foodwith huge serving and it cost only like 5sgd for us sometimes.

shopping spreeeeessss,tourist attractions.

we had our lab sessions from sunday to thursday.and fri and sats are our free days.

for the past 4weeks, we had a tour guide with us to bring us to:

great wall- wonderful experience.so lucky of us, when we went there, it was actually snowing the previous day thus the pavements were so snowy.and it makes the pavements real slippery and one of the tourists fell down and injured his forehead and was bleeding and his precious blood dripped on the snow. brrr....drama.

the journey up the great wall was tiring but real cool. it was not as cold as my mum imagined. i wore 5layers fyi cause my mum kept reminding me every night the week when she knew that i was going great wall to wear more cause it will be real cold since my cousins claimed it was cold when she went there and my mum was so afraid that i might catch a cold.

it was real cold in the beginning but i started sweating when i went up and that i took off my gloves and masks. and we took the similar type rollercoaster down the great wall.slow but dangerous.

the forbidden city;the most tiring sightseeing ever cause of the long corridor which is 700plus metres long and the forbidden city contains 9999/1/2 rooms.that morning was real cold and windy and i was still having swollen lips due to my sensitive lips. i used a lip balm that i never used before or rather in singapore i never used lip balm cause i knew im too sensitive for it. and the feeling was damn bad. and im feeling terrible and the wind didnt stop blowing anyway. and i think all my photos that i taken from forbidden city could be able to see my swollen lips.

tian an man square; woke up real early and one thing i hated about touring with tour agencies were that they wanted us to set off real early. i remembered i woke up like 5plus am for this trip. and the reason was to visit mao ze dong memorial hall with his body escalate up for tourists to look at his look. and fyi, i think he was injected with the do not decompose jab everyday so as to make sure that he will not go rot and his skin wont sulk.and it was more tedious then airport customs.yuu ned to go through one scanning and one scanning.it was damn frustrating also.

the procedures went like this; we cannot take in any bags. no bags at all.so the tour guide took care of our bags then we need to queue up since we are not the only ones who wanted to go in. and the opening hours were real short. from 8am to 11am every monday to friday i think. and once we were reaching the hall, the customs scanning thing started. belts, watches will make the peeeeeeeeeeeppppp sound.irritating as ever. then queue again and there is a mini attached house for yuu to buy flowers to put it outside for mao ze dong. and i thought by queuing so long i can see the PLS DO NOT DECOMPOSE body for a little longer. just a little longer and i swear i just saw the thing with just a blink of my eyes. brrrr.......less then 2mins. really.

at least i went to such a place in beijing.brrrr........ i wonder if our singapore grandpa mr lee when he said gdbye to the world, will there be such a huge memorial hall for him. i really wonder now.

the summer palace, temple of heaven, beijing universities,ming tombs were must go tourist attractions.

and when i went to temple of heaven last fri, i wore the xiang xiang princess costume and took photos. and we were nearly lost from there. from the south gate to north gate takes us 798m.and we were cold and hungry that moment of time.

silk street, xidan, ming zhu, 77th street plaza, ya show .... the must go shopping hunt outs.

ive so much to say about this 6weeks stay in beijing.

the weather is real dry and the wind is real chilling. this is smth yuu will not get to experience in singapore.

the girls in cheena i meant from wad i saw in the xmas performance. they are real B I T C H Y.

AND to think i saw that GIRL LOOK ALIKE IN BEIJING.YIKES.she even want to haunt ME WHEN I CAME ALL THE WAY TO BEIJING.WTH!!

minus those idiotic actions that some idiotic ppl did. minus those cheena that had no basic courtesy and basic manners. minus those spittings on the floor whenever we walked around in the city. minus those toilets that don have doors and the women kept knocking on your door when yuu are doing your business. and woman when doing business don close door and its damn off. OHMYGOSH.

beijing is kinda dirty since i had lived in such a clean country for the past 20years and i never dare to go to beijing's toilets. 10000000000000times worst then thailand and malaysia.

im so excited to go home and phew.my luggage not over-weight (:

i miss yuu so much aisya.

every night i read the small postcard yuu wrote for me.so sweet and there will be times that i miss my mummie and daddiee so much that i teared a little when i read.

I AM FINALLY COMING BACK TO SPEND 2009!!!

2008-12-24T09:28:00.003+08:00

MERRY XMAS TO ALL! (:

its week5 day number 32.

time really flies and today is the NIGHT to perform!

neither excited nor delighted. cause my leg muscles are giving way.and im feeling so freaking cold now and coughing badly with my sleepy eyes.

fyi, i slept at 1145pm and woke up at 7am.
in fact 7hrs 15mins and im still so tired.

tonight is xmas eve, there might be a small celebration but i guess i will rather choose to slp cus there is school on XMAS!!

can yuu imagine it ?
even till lunch time that still sucks anyway.

and my room's heater is not working as per normal.
and im feeling so glummy over it.
sigh.
someone help me please.

whatever it is.
there are always disagreements to every single little thing.
and i started to get really irritated.

and i cant wait to go home.
the weather is so freaking cold.
and i start to get sick of everything.

now i could not even have a proper bath!
argh.

i want to go home soon!

the answer to my guessing game.
i ruined his whole image of his life.
(:

bottom sentence;
merry xmas to all and i cant wait to get home!
aisya, yuu are missed.
and shimin.pls pls b strong and take care!

2008-12-20T09:44:00.003+08:00

MAKE A GUESS GAME!

guess who is he and tag in my board.

2008-12-17T13:44:00.004+08:00

//in beijing,week 4 day number 25.

i survived another week! (:

thou im adapting but i miss home so badly!

and next week is xmas and after xmas im ready to go home!

what is for my 21st birthday? stop asking me this question.

ive no plans and i will spend the whole day in plane.

cus in the morning, i will be in beijing getting ready to board the plane to hongkong and take a transit direct back to singapore.

and by the time i reached singapore is 825pm if im not wrong.

so don ned celebrate.thanks for all that arrangement dearest NYP. yuu are the best! [like real]

yawns.the thought of it dreads me. eek.

why is my birthday spent in such a way and its still the most important birthday. its 21st LEHS!!!

last friday was great wall! fantastic experience minus those slippery snow that made one tourist fell and damaged his forehead and the blood was on the snow.

the great wall suffered a little fall with the big rocks falling down the day before i went.

so one part of it closes.

anyway, managed to finish one part of the great wall.

fyi, to finish climbing the whole cycle of great wall take 1year9months.

cause yuu finished one part is consider as one part of the town.

for eg: yuu finished walking from plaza singapura to far east but yuu didnt walk from plaza singapora to wheelock.

ive no idea how to explain it.

so miss aisya said i gonna upload photos. so i upload the white great wall (:

pretty. and i promised to pamper myself with lots of vasts, clothes and pants to last me for the first 6months of 2009!

i miss mummie,daddiee,brother and chickey stall.

mummie been saying extra cost on phone calls when im in beijing. HAHA. oops.

dear aisya, yuu are missed.

the first snow in beijing (:

can see the snow?

the way up to climb great wall!

the entrance of great wall!

first part of the journey,not so tired.still got mood take photos.

the middle of the journey up!

so long okay?

很高興北京有這樣的新規定，
明年1月1日起，
若老年人在公共交通工具沒座位，
車輛就不能開動，
而每輛車提供給老、幼、病、殘、孕的
專用坐位「博愛座」必須達到10%以上。
而北京交通部門更要求在部份車站設置老人乘車的「綠色通道」，
讓他們先上車坐到座位.

don ever ask about me please. i know yuu are reading. the more yuu asked abt me, the more i will hate yuu.please don. ive enough of yuu.yuu are happy without me and im happy without yuu so jus continueit like this. even if one day i were to see yuu on the streets, i will pretend that ive never know yuu before. don say yuu are much more better den mr b, at least he was true all along and i was the one who bid goodbye to him in the first place and don compare yuu with him.yuu are nothing to me.at least he was always true to me. i hold a special place in his heart jus that once.how about yuu?yuu don. so pls don compare. im perfectly alright in beijing. don ever ask abt me.i don ned yr pathetic concern.don act tat yuu love yr gf alot but behing her back yuu are doing bad things to her by wanting me back.don make me hate yuu more cus yuu had totally diminished from my memory, why come back and haunt me again?yuu are not in my phone,yuu are not in my msn.and tht shows how much i do not wan to have any interaction with yuu.im super fine without yuu.thanks for all the concern.i don appreciate.get out of my life!

rgds.the one who nv wanted to give yuu up but yuu forced her to.

2008-12-10T08:43:00.002+08:00

in beijing.week3 day number 18.

as im typing, the snow fell down slowly.

bit by bit.like a small drizzle.

the thrill is not as strong as before.

managed to slp well i guess. hope mr sickness go far far away from me.

im fine. don ned worry abt me (:

the snow had slowly faded away.

will it come back again?

will it be like the love tht was lost long ago and nv ever come back again?

it was traumatized.this experience was traumatized.

2008-12-05T20:49:00.002+08:00

//its been week2,day number 12.

i miss home.

didnt eat well, didnt slp well and the weather was freaking cold.

all i count on was the accompanyment.
greater exposure thou.

i had the suckiest outing ever today but the sports was great!

i last played badminton was in sec school and last played bowling was in sec sch as well.

i want to play more but it sucks to commit cause it all takes time.

brrrr....

miss mummie,miss daddiee!
=(

dear aisya,
thanks for everything that yuu done to me.
it is really touch to hear someone trying so hard to lessen one close frd's burden.
its really nice of yuu.
and for that i appreciate every single thing that yuu done to me.
thanks so much aisya.
always love the way that yuu made me laugh and listen to my complains.
all these endless love showered to me.
i trust yuu more then anyone else.
the bond is undescribable.
no one will understand the thing that we shared.
thanks for everything.

I LOVE YUU!

PS: thanks my dear bc for everything (:

2008-12-02T09:17:00.002+08:00

//2nd week in beijing.

conflicts arouse and i got kinda turned off for a minute then i try to shut down my system and breathe again .

misunderstandings and misconceptions i would say.

starting to adapt the life here and i am alright guys.

thanks d gang for all the concern.

i am alright.don yuu ppl worry for me and i understand that yuu guys feel bad for not coming to send me off. everyone's life differs. we got to move on and keep in touch as always.

anyway, if there are too many ppl to come and send me off, i will cry.

so now; a lil less shopping to save up for week5 shopping spree!!!!!

cant wait for shopping spree (:

2008-11-27T10:08:00.003+08:00

1st week in beijing.

brrrr.....

cold and still cold.

as promised,photos. but im really lazy to upload. haha!

guardian in hongkong is named as mannings!

in town area with my grp of girls (:

this is my school!

aisya, yuu should come china.the serving is super big and it costs singapore dollars 2.50bucks. haha!

the EI,BI group again.

see how radiant mr jc smile. haha!

i duno why i choose such an ugly photo of him with me! =(

and; im too lazy to upload cause there is alot.

shall send the folder to my close frds.

BC AND I WERE SO HAPPY THAT WE SURVIVED 1WEEK IN BEIJING!!

i miss yuu mummie, daddiee, bro and chickey rice stall.

i miss chickey rice stall the most. cus i start to love singapore food cause cheena food is so damn off.

and fyi; i finally know the reason why cheena ppl go to singapore and they didnt know what to eat.

cause when im in cheena i duno wad to eat as well!

and i need some extra time to go read those chinese instructions.

traffic in cheena sucks like duno what.

don ever cross when yuu think yuu can or there is zebra crossing.

brrrr...

i miss everyone in fact.

and beijing is reallly cold.

the lies that torn us apart.stop crying and think of the happy moments.

cry cause yuu are happy that yuu are still around.

the pain that pierce through yr heart should gives yuu more energy to move on.

the LOVE that keeps us together.the tears that made us stronger.

treasure the LOVE around yuu.cus nothing lasts forever.

regards;missyonglishannx.getting emo.fordunoooooowadreason.maybewillcheerupafterwalmart.immad.

that little break.

2008-11-20T15:01:00.003+08:00

brrrr...

attachment finally end and here im back in sch.
yawns.
really.

ive no idea why im so upset today.
jus so damn upset.
damn damn upset.
cus; i really have problems with ppl trying so hard to show off their own talent.
brrr.
its kinda sickening.

IF YUU CAN; MEANS THAT YUU CAN.
IF YUU CANT, MEANS THAT YUU CANT.

SO PLEASE.
don make me hate yuu!

ive enough of all this.
its only the 4th day and ive to tolerate all this kind of crap!

LIKE PLS.
i duno wad to say.
but just, stop showing off.

SIGH.im kinda. eh. go away.

i don like this thing tht is going thru inside me.

i prefer attachment life once again.
thou its kinda. yuu know.
sucky..

anyway, i wont be in singapore from 23rd nov to 2nd jan 2009.
pls do not call my handphone cus yuu cant find me.
msn or email me.
bless all (:

looking forward to the trip.jus some ppl turned me off.

2008-10-29T13:09:00.003+08:00

//OOPS.I DID IT AGAIN.

cant help wondering.so i blogged.

1st FULL DAY without my supervisor around.
ULTIMATE NOT FUN.

brrrr...
i cant wait for attachment to finish.
its kinda.dread.
everything turns sour.
so the bo-ring.

I WAN FUN.
F
U
N.
fun.

im addicted to yuu (:

2008-10-21T12:49:00.003+08:00

i wan this sweater/coat or whatever.
89bucks if i didnt rmbr wrongly.
the pay too little to make me do shopping spree.
deduct here and there.yawns.

brrrr...
im so excited over my beijing trip and im gonna forget all the stress i had in office.
office was never a nice place to mingle with.

I REALLY CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE.
adults said we kids duno how to behave.
but do adults know how to behave?

like please.
procedures here and there.
den follow them if not wad are they for?
don follow if you don wan to.
den talk so much for wad?

such a small company less den 100 so many issues.
den big MMC DEN WAD?
HAVOC DISASTER.

yawns. can someone kill them for me?
admit yr mistakes if yuu did smth wrong.

there are really nice ppl around who follow procedure.
there are really bad ppl around who duno wad are procedures.
THANKS ARHS ADULTS.
for telling me you ppl are so ridiculous!

(:

alright.i cant help but start counting down.
every morning i wake up, i don wan to get out from the chair that i always nap to get up to bath.
cus i dread this place im sitting down already.
there are people who don think;thts why the company is so crap.

17days left.
next week my supervisor not around whole week.
mon;deepavali.
tues;half day cause i do not to be in ST president forums.
weds-fri;SOLO (:

PEACEFUL.
SO WHEN HE COMES BACK.
HA.
ITS NOVEMBER!!

i miss yuu vincci.
i miss yuu gracie.
cant wait to see yuu ppl once attachment ends.

(:

my dearest baby,ilu (:

2008-10-07T10:12:00.002+08:00

crap.STOP coming back to my dream.

brrr....

i cant imagine that time flies;

the time when we were taking about army daze was like when we were 14.

if only things were made as simple as it was.

i loathe the manner things are to be done.

treasure the people around you.

cherish their existance.

fights don solve problems.

i know and i think we should fight less.

2008-09-29T13:08:00.002+08:00

happy belated birthday dumb dumb mr yap bc.

happy 16th month together ttupid dubby mr yap bc.

havoc 4weeks that i been through.

laughters are as bad as work.

work piling up and i just want to drag it till like week11 cause i conclude this is not the place for me to live in.

issues all over.

hello mdm and sirs.

just shut up.

some people are real nice.

eg: the kungfu panda guy.

some people are real bad.

eg: the controller.

some women are hungry for power.

some men just don bother to care.

some women are hungry for love.

some men are peacemakers.

some women are sarcastic.

some men are idiotic.

whatever it is.

i just wan week11 to come fast.

i cant wait for oct to end cause nov is coming den everything marks an end.

2008-09-10T12:41:00.002+08:00

//its been such a long time since i last blogged.

sch term ends. exams were over.
and now the attachment is the hottest topic among all.
i been in this company for like 1week plus.

honestly i cant wait for it to finish.
its like a drama class im undergoing.
yuu know those draggy hokkien show that my mum likes to watch.
im disgusted a couple of times.
its so dread. soooooo the dread stepping into office sometimes.

luckily for me, my officer is a real nice person.
willing to teach and guide me thru nicely and in a very nice tone.
if not,i will dread work more.

my office is like world war 4 sometimes.
they got this communication breakdown thing.
communication barrier as well.
conveying messages brings about communication breakdown.
i don like to convey messages anymore.

i prefer technology based junks.
whatever it comes may.
email is the best way to talk.
communication brings the whole world come collapsing.

bc and i had this thing.
and he is having fun and im suffering sometimes.
shall not elaborate on the details.

anyway,
MISS ALL OF THEM.

dear aisya,serene and cheryl. YUU HAVE TO BE STRONG.
dear vincci, WE WILL HAVE A GOOD MEAL ONCE ATTACHMENT OVER.NO MORE LUNCH BOX.

miss yuu girls.
jia you.
we will be fine.

love that someone who always stood by me.
yuu are always my gem.

(:

2008-07-16T22:53:00.002+08:00

i don like to talk to strangers anymore.

in this case, it sucks.i want to treat yuu like a stranger from today onwards.

and i shall not indulge into any of yr STUPID business.

in my heart, yuu are jus a fool to be used around.

thanks arhs; for telling me how much i should hate yuu and not trust yuu.

2008-07-10T21:11:00.002+08:00

oh;week12 is ending.
and i gonna miss nyp.
brrrr...

i gonna miss north and south canteen.
i gonna miss the toilettes.
i gonna miss koufu.
i gonna miss the library.
i gonna miss the hotdog in the library cafe.
i gonna miss cheers.
i gonna miss the shopping arcade.
i gonna miss the foul smell in blkS level4.
and i gonna miss my friends.
(:

whatever it is,jus some wild thoughts running thru.

projects have been making me feeling like an idiot.
cause;this is the ever first time i felt how "UNRELIABLE" i am.
or whatever.
im tryin so hard to be INDEPENDENT.
NAH;IM ALWAYS ONE.

NAH.I JUS DON WAN TO BE PULLED DOWN.
BRRRRRR...............
I BEEN SO STRESS!

say congrats to me like wad gracie said to me.

yawns.happy advanc bdae jc.

PS: its OM-NIA not OM-NEI or OM-MEOW and definitely not the BLACK CAT EVERYDAY BATTERIES!

2008-06-27T22:54:00.002+08:00

i miss those days;
as i stepped closer to yuu, i felt the love triggering and steaming inside me.
had the rush to hug yuu when i saw how upset yuu are.
the true friendship still exists.
i miss yuu girls.come back.

things differ when one person start to grow up.
i loathe to grow up.and im left with no choice.
i felt so upset all of a sudden.

everything gone.the little spice of my life is gone as well.
phew...

another week gone.
goodbye week11.

another week coming.
sch term gonna ends in 7weeks.
brrrr...

i felt betrayed and used.
"you are the only one not invited."
"i duno why lishan hates me so much.i didnt do anything wrong" attached with the innocent fat face.

i jus feel like bitching.

the holidays are here.

2008-06-11T21:10:00.003+08:00

//break,here i come.
been so low.been so sick.
let this 2weeks holidays mend myself from sickeness.
mood brightened up.
and hope things get better.

detest the feeling of not bring appreciated.
yikes.who knows how it feel?it sucks.
and thanks arh.for letting me know how much yuu hate me.

communication barrier has always been the roadblock.
and the roadblock always stay.cus yuu never know how sucks it will feel.

1 term gone.met great classmates in the class.

(:

2008-05-18T13:53:00.002+08:00

//minus those little pissing off incidents, army museum trip.fun fun and fun.

brrr..aisya,nadiah and me were so pissed off by some stupid people's words and actions.

and to think,ive the urge to persuade the 2girls to stop detesting that particular person since we wont be seeing that person so much.

but somehow i decided to stop persuading them and joined forces with them since i think; im the one who started all this first and ive to play a small part in this whole thing.anyway,this person is so damn ridiculous.

saying too much hurts,and i shall not be any nicer to this person anymore cause he/she is not worth any of my saliva talking to him/her .its such a waste of my time as well.

this person should jus FCUK OFF with his/her pending list people.

since this person had so much charm that made the pending people faint with LOVE.

oh please,get a life.really.

stop making use of people around yuu.

jus go find the people in yr pending list.

thank yuu.

im so busy since week4. and more to come.

and i had not having enough slp.

been sleeping late and waking up early.

and i felt so restless to the max during yesterday's french class.

so sorry. je suis fatigue fatigue fatigue.

random photos.

2008-04-18T11:10:00.002+08:00

//im in school now. im so tired. total drained out only at 1week and my homeworks are piling up.
all thanks to routers and switches and vlsm.

BRRR....to think im so stucked with routers,switches and vlsm this time round.
year2 cisco ruined me totally and im so blur to that extent of diggin out all my textbooks and start all over again.

i hate this.its bringing me endless of trauma.

im graduating from nyp in less den 1year. time flies.and its too fast.
by the time i graduated, my bf off to army.and i shall pursue with my studies if possible.

and i really hope that things wont change when time gets by.
its so tough to maintain when time became so insufficient.

PCS driving me nuts.
brrr...

tml french. im still not sure if to continue and im so confused.
=

kudos to week1! (:

2008-04-15T23:33:00.001+08:00

//i hate to say this.

pls don come near me missy.

2nd day of sch.random.nice knowing some ppl.

2008-02-25T22:59:00.002+08:00

//brrrr.year2 STOPS with drama floating thru my mind.

i realised ive grown up. to be a more pathetic self.
ha.tryin to seize every little small moments in my life to squeeze in so as to do little minor stuffs that makes me happy.

oh yeah.cisco paper drives me nut.
now i loathe tht guy who ruined me.
he seem kinda.off tangent.and pls. i don wan to see him again.
that whole thing pissed me off.
brrr.

i don seem to be blamed for every little thing that ive done wrong.
someone has to play a bad role in it.

i cnat stop complaining.
ive been so upset since friday and i ned some infamous psychology to console me.
yesh, mr merv.his consolations are nothing but hell.

fine fine.
year3 is coming in april.
i cant wait for it to come and go again!
and im looking forward to more challenges ahead.

may i be bless!
cheers.

(:

2008-02-05T23:07:00.000+08:00

happy birthday stranger.
thou i miss yuu so.
thou we are friends no more.
however i wish yuu happiness as always.

may they rest in peace

2008-01-30T15:26:00.000+08:00

//life was so unpredictable.
yuu will never know what will happened tomorrow or even later.

http://ahgonghippo.wordpress.com/2008/01/30/2-nyp-students-killed-in-horrific-car-crash-so-many-nyp-news-recently/

life was so fragile.
2008 comes with a bad and sad start.

first, mediacorp tv star, mc king died.
den my fav actor, heath ledger died jus a week ago.
and now. people that i saw almost every lecture breathing the same air as me in the lecture hall died.

click msged me and i thought she was joking.cause there are actually 2major tests today for her.
though i dont know them.but they are my frds' frds.
and i can see the bond they shared with my frds in the lecture hall.
its kinda saddening to see such a thing happened to them.
one of them was bubbly and the other was tall.
they looked healthy and they are normal teenagers enjoying their life in the peak of their life.
but somehow, life played a trick on them and their fate twisted just like this.
sometimes yuu jus cant decide what yuu wan yr life to be.

the news shock me till now.
i cant stop shaking and my mind cant stop thinking about those pictures ive seen on net of the crushed car with the blood smearing on the side of the car door.
what can i say?
ive to learn to treasure people close to me more.
i dont know.

in a piece of stumbleness.and im in utter shock.

if yuu think life is like a piece of crap, pls give yr life to someone else who reserved it more.

death shld never be an option when yuu failed to complete smth yuu wanted in yr life.
its foolish.

life is so detached with one person's soul.

now i really can conclude im afraid of death.

and i plead and pray.all those who are close to me be happy and healthy always.

click,emily,vic,songming cheer up.
they are always remembered in yuu ppl's heart.

may the victims rest in peace.
may yuu all be happy in another world.
get well soon,hanleng.

ive so much to go for it.
and ive to learn to treasure my family,my frds and my oppurturnites.
some oppurtunities jus come once.

death is scary.

on hiatus till 22feb,last day of major exams.
im expected to do extremely well for this sem.

2008-01-15T22:58:00.000+08:00

//im BUSY.
REALLY BUSY!!

ive no time for this and that.
all the screams and rantings for project.

i gonna bid goodbye to programming.
woohoo!!
i cant wait.
i really cant wait.

im looking forward to year3 (:

miss d-gang.

PS:: please dont come near ME.
so what yuu are back?
stop asking abt me! its enough!

2008-01-02T20:50:00.000+08:00

// HAPPY DEAR BIRTHDAY TO MISS ONG LISHAN!

damn.im old.im in level 20.

thanks for all those who celebrated for me at pizza hut this afternoon.
i guess the whole of pizza hut knows its my birthday.
and stupid serene kept emphasizing my age.
YES YESH.have to admit, im 20years old.

what an age. brrrr..
thanks for all the friends who had wished me and who had given me pressie.
thank yuu so much.

i think i should list it all.
but emphasize those important ones.

serene and cheryl for buying me a cake,making me do dares for my 20th birthday and organising the small bdae party.
LIKE DOTS.shhhhh!! its an inside joke.

benjamin for treating me lunch as a bdae pressie.
thank yuu so much.
thts so sweet of yuu.

jc for giving me pressies.
thanks and the thought that counts.

vincci for buying me a pressie
and thanks for yr 20smacks. oh man!

colin for being there to celebrate and acting cute to say happy birthday!
HAHA.

my dear aisya for singing me happy bdae song in HIGH PITCH.

to those who wished me; thank yuu so much!
i appreciate that thought ::

xiuwen
vivian
marcus
my da da ge,raven
shimin
js
amos
ivan
ryan
mr b
benny
ben ong
cass
yulong
siowting
esther
lina
sk
zhiliang
victoria
nadiah
jiali
yijin
joan
hadi
racheal

dear miss kershin sis for scaring me cause she suddenly went missing in action den sent me 4emails and when i smsed her in the morning, she didnt reply me at all.den when i called her, she didnt pick up my call. den when she finally called, she was happily in mac-cafe.
thanks for that little fright as pressie arhs.

dear mervin for your pressie and yesh. yr dumb dumb wishes that come in any form.

dear yiting and mavis as well.thank yuu so much (:

and YESH. dear boyfriend. advance thank yuu for yr hardship pressie.
the everything that yuu had done for me.
and the little things yuu had done to make me happy.
i LOVE YUU (:

CHERYL SCARED OF ME!

colin is like my big brother.jc is like my didi.

MY JIEMEI!! we got jiemei face,haha!

MY YE MAN PENG YOU , VINCCI!

dumb boyfriend with a dumb dumb face.HAHA.

THIS ONE BETTER,I LIKE HIM WHEN HE IS LIKE THAT!

2007-12-31T18:50:00.000+08:00

LAST POST OF 2007!

lotsa thoughts running thru my mind.
i spent an eventful 2007 i guess.
and the thing is; i think i had an equal share of happiness and sadness.
more happiness den sadness?
i guess so.

2007 marks the start of my relationship with dear boyfriend.
2007 also marks the end of a relationship with someone else.

2007 marks the end of a chaotic friendship and also marks the beginning of chaotic friendships as well.

and all thanks to people around me who had been always there for me.

i thank dear mervin,mavis and yiting for always been there.
serene and cheryl as well.

dear aisya for always listening to how demoralised im.
dear miss kershin for being there to listen to me as well.
for all the understanding thanks shimin.

and not forgetting my dearest boyfriend who never failed to be there for me always.
i LOVE yuu (:

FORGET 2007 and welcome 2008!

2007-12-28T23:25:00.000+08:00

ive to learn how to overcome.

i felt really bad.
really really bad.
super guilty.
as if i did something wrong.
but uncle, yuu have to hear this.
i did nothing wrong at all.

happy happy 7th month boyfriend (:

PHOTOS.PHOTOS.

2007-12-24T01:21:00.000+08:00

-the tiger show. the singapore zoological gardens look alike.all tigers in position

- the wild birds.

-the female pig feeding the young tigers.
HAPPY FAMILY!

-stairways to heaven.
the wai twah temple

-this is the little girl i met in the thai cultural village.
she was actually holding on to a big mask plate splitting thur the peel seeds of the rice being thrawed.she is so cute with that little ponytail behind her.

-managed to take a photo with her showing the action for thai traditional dance.

-me in sampan through the river around the rice fields.
its late so its dark.

the beautiful park with lotus.

-in big boat going to floating market and thai temple area.
boyfriend don like my face! :(

-theme park has a mini jurassic park.the dino look so FAKE?haha!

-another dino,.HA.

-the crocs studying.the fake crocs made of croc skin.

-xmas house in patayya hotel with the ice cream feel.

-mushroom in the middle of safari among lions?

-highest building in bangkok.the baiyoke sky hotel.
im in 82nd floor skyview. this building rank 28 in the whole world.

-the prototype

-baby croc eating meat!

-alright.if yuu are a girl. be guilty!
SHE IS A MAN!!!!
TRANSEXUAL IN SHORT.
after the alcazar show that i had mentioned earlier. which was the transexual musical with them dancing.they came out to let all the tourists and audience have a clear look at them.
fine.they are pretty after the surgery and they have fab figure.
she stunned me when she was dancing in thru the boa song.and im like 5rows facing the stage.
the view is rather near.boyfriend was saying he nearly puked while drinking the cola.
HA.he too think she is PRETTY! OOPS.IS he!
if yuu want to touch whether the boobs feel real or smth, touch once 100BAHT(S$4.60+).
take photo with them 40BAHT(S$1+).
in her hands, she had a stack of bucks.inclusive of us dollars. so yuu know how pop she is already.
i wanted to touch but eh. forget it.
HA.

-CLEARER view with a korean lady tourist.all thanks to my bro.
my family and boyfriend chionged to this lady once the musical ends.
cus she is tooo stunning.she looks so real.
and i did heard her open her mouth and talk.
SORRY.CANT MAKE IT!

i love yuu boyfriend!(:

HI HI.im back!!

2007-12-24T00:21:00.000+08:00

the trip was great. and i ned more of those.
prachuting, banana boat, diving, ski boat were fab.

actually the thing i could not bear to leave behind is the alcazar show.
alright.is a musical performed by transexuals.
yuu know, man turning into woman.
and hell.i saw one who was so beautiful! she looks like a jap.
but when she opened her mouth and talk.super obvious a man! HA.
but looking at them, i felt horrified.
they are kinda scary.
its not i cant accept this but don change wad is fated.
and the dancing was great.

parachuting was the 2nd thing i wanted to bring back to singapore.
when i was up there alone.
i could not move for a moment.
cus the wind was too strong.
one round is 350baht.around 16-17 singapore bucks.

diving was seeing starfish,coral reefs.
i nearly blew away by the strong currents.
lucky boyfriend held me.
and my dad held along my mum who was goin to fly as well.

but bangkok transportation sucks.
and the taxi drivers are all LIARS.
YIKES.

i shall upload the photos later tml.

hell yesh.ive to admit smth. this is terrible.i hate all unnecesary bombings and i really never want to grow up!

and boyfriend, i love yuu so (:
i really hope yuu enjoyed the trip as well.

2007-12-15T22:51:00.000+08:00

ups and downs.
im feeling the down.
and the very down.
glad that the trauma is over with all those projects and tests.

endless frustration happenings for me.
endless is the word.
this week meant blowing my temper all over.
and my attitude to my boyfriend sucks like hell.

num1 frustration point :

i had so much confidence on this paper. and i only didnt know how to do 1part and there was a minor error that made me could not be able to debug for the program.
and hell. i got a DONKEY!
what is this?
was there fairness or justice in this damn 20% paper?
im not pin pointing at anyone.
but hell.some ppl had more major mistakes den me.and they got an APPLE!
hell what!
and this was the first damn time i cried so hard over a poly paper!
and hell. i cried so hard.
i never had cried so hard during my poly days over such a damn thing?
even if i got a DONKEY for a particular paper for a particular module like c#, i never cried so hard cause i know i suck in that and i don deserve to cry at all cause my tears are not worth for smth i had not put into much effort into.
i duno.
i don feel good over this damn thing!
yuu can say its jus a minor 20% but ppl close to me know how much 20% meant to me!
what can i say?
what the hell had i done wrong to deserve such a grade?
and the lucky thing was; it was not a core module to get into networking path.
and i hate ppl who doubt my capability.
YIKES.
i hate all this bullshits im getting.

num2 frustration point :

DOES IT MEANT THAT WHEN YUU HAVE A BF, YUU CANT HAVE FRIENDS TO GO OUT WITH?
HELL YESH THE ANSWER IS!

what is the matter with everyone around me?
i dread it!
it had been so long im out with my friends and my boyfriend together?
like what the fcuk is the problem?
im super pissed.
what is the problem?
being out with a couple alone seem a little lamp post.i know that.
but being with someone and its a foursome group, does it matter that much?
what is the matter?
i really duno!
i dunno what the fcuk is wrong?

i had been telling myself im used to it to this.
i should be used to this kind of stuff.
yesh, lishan.yuu should.
and hell me, miss ONG LISHAN HERE.
is thinking in the welfare of other ppl around her?

oh,miss ong.yuu are so nice.
WHY DON SOMEONE TURN AROUND AND THINK IN MY SHOES?
HELL UNFAIR!

they always say they do understand.
in actual fact, NO ONE DOES.
and ive been living in that mentality that no one understand me and i don ned anyone to understand me.
all i have to do is laugh to myself.do things that i like when im so happy.
and cry as hard as i can if im super demoralized.

AND PLEASE.PLEASE.IM NOT PIN POINTING ANYONE!
IM TALKING ABT HOW I FELT!

seriously,i don ned anyone to understand me.
im brought up in a all by myself world.
so please please. don say yuu know me.yuu don.
(:

-m&m house with beams (:

stop being emo, my dearest (:

im really serious. like ive.

i always enjoyed the company with vincci, jiacai, benjamin and boyfriend (:

2more days and im flying.
cant wait.cant wait.
my LONG LONG SHOPPING LIST!!

(;

2007-12-09T00:05:00.000+08:00

//ALRIGHT. i smelt dust.

boyfriend was telling me how bravo my handphone's camera and i realised it had been ages ago since i last taken a picture.

since im so busy and since im so out of date from my gang regular meetings and gathering.
like im really BUSY.
so eh. yesh. im sorry my fellow gang members.

so many things had happened.
ppl come and go into yr life.

without saying a goodbye pleases yuu?
yuu have changed.
mayb we are not meant to be friends at all.
can yuu really tolerate the ignorance?
do yuu really see me as a thorn in yr eyes?
its officially over.
ive no idea when will we see each other.
just let fate play its part.
fate leads us apart.
and i shall let fate decide for the next part of our life.
im not pinning up hope for yuu to turn around and say just a hi or simply jus smile at me.
its totally useless.
it ends jus like this.

if i have the choice to choose all over again.
i would never want to know yuu.
what yuu had done only aches me.
only pains me and brought me nothing but suffering.
it just sucks.
who knows?
only i know.
and i shall not reveal any details to anyone.
i don ned anyone to understand the trauma im going thru.
i wan to end this suffering all by myself.
its like a knife stabbing yuu right into yr heart.
in the process of bleeding to death.
shall declared yuu dead in my heart.
no blesses.
yuu don deserve it.

time goes around.comes around.

im flying in 9more days!
woohoo (:
cant wait for my shopping spree.
miss onglishan.start writing yr shopping list.

and yes.
less den 1more mth to BIG DAY.
vingt ans.
what a nice 2digits.
long long wants and needs and wishes.
stay tune!
(;

yuu are always my ONE AND ONLY BOYFRIEND (:

2007-11-28T23:22:00.000+08:00

//OOPS.im really busy.

i said i wanted to change blogskin.
but im not free.
don blame me!
im really busy.
my school work are piling up.
and i meant UP!

THEN.my week8 is totally packed.
totally!
MONDAY TO SATURDAY!

to think, ive tried so hard to make things work.
im wrong.so wrong.
apart makes thing work better.

boyfriend, happy 6th month.

dumb random poost (:

2007-11-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

//SDL week starts on monday.

1week of boring life.
somehow; i don have the mood to go out.
or rather i should go out and have fun for one DAY.
and just one day.
but i could not decide what wonderful places i can go to have fun.
dread.
i suddenly getting to realise singapore sometimes is a dread.
boring is the word.

SDL week meant less boyfriend days.
brrrr..
and i suddenly realise how much work i have to do.
and i just wan to live in my own world a couple of times.
but seem not right.
i duno wad am i talking.
sending him off and not seeing tml makes me weak.
brrrr..i gonna miss yuu boyfriend.

nah. i receive a message saying he might be seeing me tml.
woohoo (:

saturday in the morning was always alright until i met someone.
this someone makes me feel hatred when i saw his backview.
that feeling sucks.
simply sucks.
i cant imagine i don wan to look at him at all.
nah. i hate seeing his face now.
i don wan things to turn out like this.
but yuu forced and wanted me to.
yuu are stubborn.yuu are.
forgiven is such a virtue that yuu had never understand.
sorry, no forgiven allowed anyway.
i hate to see yuu like this.
mayb things are better off this way.
don ask for my information.
yuu don have to do all this.
its uselesss.
i will only bring me more hatred to yuu.
i hate yuu to see yuu.
and yr eyes are avoiding me.
we are just perfect strangers.

i prefer my life right now.

everything is on track.
and i really hope things will get much more better escpecially with yuu around (:

i miss yuu click.my dear aisya,.
and yesh. sorry merv. i owe yuu too much.
i know ive not been seeing yuu so much ever since yuu came back.
i will be meeting yuu really soon alright.
not forgetting my dear mavis, yt, js,monster,amos,ivan and "dinosaur" (:
special thanks to benny for dropping by nyp to see me and talk some crap to me.and yesh.thanks for being my dear messenger.
SORRY GUYS as well!

2007-11-04T10:39:00.000+08:00

//guess i went missing in action for too long.

in the middle of the night, after 11plus pm.
whoever called had not been entertained so far.
im sorry. i been not picking up calls after that time.
ive no idea why i did that.
ive no idea how to explain for my misdeed as well.
just feel like ignoring every single thing that once entered my life.
i been in a really ignorance mode.
my mind consists of something else.
i shld say something else and someone else.

have not been sleeping well these 2 weeks after a major breakdown that happened to me.
been pondering and been wondering and had been dreaming.
i just wan to live on my own world.
everyday, when i stepped into class.
drama unfolds.
its annoying and suddenly i don have the freedom of right to choose my own friends or classmates.
i cant choose who i wan to talk to.
and i cant decide who i cant talk to.
its irritating!
its really making me super pissed off.
ive no idea who to trust either.
sometimes i just want to be alone.

its had been such a long time since im living in my own world.
someone came into my life.
but i cant lie that the fear never haunt me.
the same dream kept coming back.
and i will start to imagine that drove me nuts now and then.

i think i wan to turn into a monster.
a monster that do not know how to interpret emotions.
a monster who does not know what are feelings.
and a monster who don think.
as well as being a monster who never bother about how ppl think.

im happy but when i sat alone and think about the life im leading.
my heart sank.
and i really want to tear.

the fear haunts. ive no idea why. it sucks.

hectic week ahead.
and i really want to start planning for my hols.

boyfriend, do yuu meant wad yuu said last night?
i heart yuu always (:

2007-10-28T19:24:00.000+08:00

//my health has been deterioting.been so sick for the last 2 weeks.
and my appetite arent that good as well.

making harsh decisions now and then.
and the reply i got was so so negative.
it sucks to be true.
i never thought he would say smth like that.
since i had respected him as a lecturer thou he is a little noisy.
and to think he said that.
disappointed.
stunned to see that reply.
but somehow i don have a choice but to accept it.
and for my character, don expect to have a chance to see me again.
i really loathe yuu now.
and i wont attend any activities cus they arent important to me.
thts not one of my aims now.
the feeling just sucks.
and i don wish to leave any irresponsible task behind. i found it super unfair.
i feel like enclosing that email. but somehow it sounds bad.
guys, give me comments whether shld i jus post it on my blog.
sigh.
i don wan things to become like that.

i jus wan my life to be back to my soul.
brrr..
did i done smth wrong instead?
not only this. ive to take another trauma.from my dearest beloved so called classmate.
sucks.
i was so wrong abt yuu!
mayb i was not right at all in the first place.
dear classmate,
would yuu mind asking yourself if yuu had put any effort in yr studies ever since yuu held some impt post in some club?
to think that teacher said yuu are comiitted.
oh pls. i don know yuu for today only.
yuu are either busy working or with yr car biz, or with yr girlfriend.

i don wan to elaborate anymore.
im disappointed with wad yuu said.
its unfair for me.
and its stupid f or yuu to comment that.
don dream i will help yuu anymore.
i loathe yuu sometimes.

don wan to talk abt it.
its jus tooooooo plain sorrowful.

projects coming in.
deadlines coming in as well.
ive to start planning for my KL trip soon.
my shopping list goes on and on.
(:

and happy happy 5 mth boyfriend!
thou yuu are busy today but yuu are always in my heart.
start planning for KL trip with yr long long shopping list.
(:

2007-10-25T23:33:00.000+08:00

// misery really slips into my life.

i wanted so much to get a life.
been so physically sick these few days and didnt had a good appetite since then.
guess mentally demoralised drives me to crazy.

i don feel glad neither nor i feel upset.
im having a really blurred vision with nothing that goes into my mind state.
i sounded like my brain is dead.

and having a fight with boyfriend has never been something good.
fighting with someone who pretended nothing happened is bad.
really bad.
sometimes yuu really have the urge to slap him and kick him and he dead leaving myself to cry out loud.
or sometimes.
he tried so hard to smile at yuu when he still has this sorrow face.
with that unreal smile on his face, i will start to melt and could not dare to be angry with him at all.
or rather i don dare to ignore him at all.
when he starts talking his sweet stuffs. i could not take it and cry like a baby.

i realised im useless.
totally useless.

what to do when i fell into someone who is so much like a pretender?
i have no idea why.
im just so in love with him.
(:

2007-10-22T23:35:00.000+08:00

number 290.

//raining heavily makes someone super sleepy.
i been wondering so much abt this topic when mervin initiated talking abt it.
cant help it but kept probing for more of the insider news.

distances make ppl apart.
and the heart goes cold.
and the feeling is gone.
and never come back.

people do change in just a snap of time.

i vividly rmbr the time when i was out with my poly classmates in the first outing.
that guy was walking with another girl.
im loooking behind at them.
no loving actions between the both of us.
nothing for recognition as lovers.
its kinda dread to see such a scene.

for those who are close to me knows abt my dear boyfriend past love history.
and i could not help wonder the special relationship they had once shared.
isit sweet or sour?
isit wrong to be together or the time is wrong?
some invalid questions start popping up.
cant help it.
but jus some thoughts.

my post sounds super emo today.
its raining so im emo.

i shall not talk more.
merv cheer up.im always here.
so happy to see click now and then.

boyfriend. im the girl who watched yuu from behind with envy eyes and wanted yuu to be mine when yuu were actually walking with another girl yuu once love.

dread tuesday,duumb teacher.

2007-10-16T22:03:00.000+08:00

//i thought of yuu again.
and im so upset that yuu didnt even bother to leave me a message and left like this.
yuu always do that.
yuu said i hold a place in your heart.
thts all lies!
yuu never mean what yuu had always say.
i jus wan yuu to read this in wherever yuu are.

yuu lied and yuu betrayed every little trust i had on yuu.
i was so moved with every single little thing yuu done to me.
to think i wanted to give up everything for yuu.
i was such a fool.

i don wan to entangled with this anymore.
pls come to an end.
i hate yuu.

pls baby. im so sorry.

2007-10-15T23:46:00.000+08:00

//was talking to dear mervin jus now abt the feelings of my 1st day of school.

and i had so much to talk abt it.

ive no sense of belonging anymore when i stepped into class today at 810am.
with a heavy heart.
i felt nothing.
and i just cant explain how freak im feeling at that moment.

not only i walked in with a heavy heart with heart of affairs triggering within me.
it jus don seem right.
the attitude was not there.
its jus like, its not positive.

i sense nothing.absolutely nothing.
but it jus don seem right.

more cat fights in such.
and i guess i don have a chance to be in the limelight.

merv knew how i felt.
i felt so comfortable talking to him about school.

boyfriend, its not i don wan to share it with yuu.
its jus, i felt confused with things colliding towards me.
and i cant breathe at that single moment.
with yuu kissing on my forehead calms me down slightly.
and i don wan anything in class to bother yuu at all.
nothing. but jus don seem right.
and the big secret was;
yuu wanted to elope with someone.yuu know who.

i love yuu.
shopping spree with yuu was never that fun.
i cant live without yuu.
dote me forever and always be near to me and don leave me estranged as yuu always promised (:

lookoing forward to the joy of being close together as we were destined to be friends this once.

2007-09-30T21:19:00.000+08:00

//oops. looks like ive totally neglected my blog.

in simple. im busy working.
earning hard tough bucks.

worklife has never been fun.
somehow there is a bitch going around me.
spinning and making me puke in disgust.
practically, this bitch is just one year older den me.
had a foul temper.
and a foul mouth.
likes to talk in cantonese.
and likes to curse ppl in canto as well.
and not forgetting is short and fat. described by another personnel.

and yesh. she has a handsome boyfriend.
with the looks of a hongkong actor.
and who she claimed that she got tired of hugging him now and then.
they are co-habiting anyway.i bet they had done sex.

and she never fails to have fugly style.
to her, skinny jeans are sexy.
hell her.
where has all her fashion sense goes to?
and to her, red top and pink long wrapped skirt is stylish.
and yesh. to her. wearing a tank top with a small little tube inside makes her beautiful.
oh pls, please for god sake.
look at the mirror before coming out and bring shame to yourself.

yawns.
recently.
only today.
my colleague told me that she had a fight with her boyfriend.
thts why i see the reason that my shop has been having prank calls now and then.
and there is always a man voice behind.
i guess the reason might be that her guy took her money without her permission again.
this had happened long time ago.
long long ago. and its not the first time.
dots.
what a thing to do.and dots. wad is she so angry over?

time flies.
im left with eh. 11days to end of worklife.
im so glad tht everything gonna be over so soon.
(:

and bucks pls come to me.
and i gonna start to plan my shopping spree that my dear boyfriend promise me next friday.
cheers.
and darlings, i miss yuu people.
and click! i miss yuu as well.
updated finally.

darlings, get ready for shopping spree! (:

2007-09-02T23:50:00.000+08:00

//someone did something to me that makes me laugh.
i could not stop laughing (:

this someone made me laugh so much.

i been undergoing some mood swinging.
im jus so unhappy sometimes. some little moments.

and yuu are always here.
cus of yuu, im secured.
cus of yuu, i smile.
i LOVE yuu (:

2007-08-31T15:22:00.000+08:00

//my desktop playing a prank on me.
it could not start windows and the heart beat of the CPU just stop beating for a minute or so. more den few seconds den it stopped beating.
it survived me through exams here and there.
it survived me experiencin dreamweaver to visual studio aspx.net.
and the thing now is;
i could not even read anything from my desktop.
i hate it. and that meant that i will less time on msn with my darlings and my bf.
sian.
sian plus yawns.
seriously i want to kill myself.

i love my desktop more den anyone else.
but i dunoo why it wan to die on me.
sob.

and yesh. as my dearest click, aisya was saying.
waking up early in the morning without a goal.
precisely.that is the thing.
aimlessly passing thru my life.its like; we are just tooo obessed with exams.
and no doubt. the fact is priorities stay there.
we have to lead on here and there.

and i have the urge to read a book.
with my book lying in place in front of me.
i been so slow in reading ever since when i started or had the urge to read.

and i feel that ive so many things to do but i jus don manage to fulfil it.
jus let us take it as;
im pure lazy and i don seem to have the courage to do it once again.
sigh.sick of it.
it sucks.
but i think i should try once again.once once again.
and dots.

im jus being undecisive once again.
doubts here and there.
and it jus sucks.

my classmates are coming online one by one.
looks like im not the only one who is bored.
nah, im not bored.
to b true, ive not enjoyed enough yet.
i need some enjoyment.

last night, dad fetched us to watch geitai.
for your information, geitai only happens once in a year.
only in the 7th month.
the atmosphere was good.
the performance was great.
somehow my family were addicted.and no doubt i think my bf will b addicted as well.
thou the squeezing and the smoke here and there pollutes and its scary.
but afterall its fun.
(:
it has been so long since i went to a geitai.
its a another casual experience.
and dots.
i had crabs all over for dinner again.

alright.i miss my bf. i miss click.
i miss my darlings.
i ned shopping spree!!
AND i neeed... eh. nothing.

kershin sis, cheer up and jia you!
everything will b jus fine.
i will b here if yuu ned me.
(:

im going out. a day is goin to end like this again.
computer,pls revive. i love yuu, my dear desktop.

brrrrr...
i love HIM (:

2007-08-29T23:28:00.000+08:00

//exams are finally over!

finally.i cant wait for freedom to start any moment.
sorry for the slow progress updating.
as i was saying, there will be a joker LIFE coming up.
my hectic irritating working life.
some life that im not looking forward at all.
brrrr..
its only the bucks factor that im interested in.

and yesh, i nearly forgotten all about this.

HAPPY HAPPY BELATED 3MTH! (:

i could not believe that yuu gave me a surprise by forgetting all about this day on purpose.
i could not even imagine that yuu could remember every single detail, every single thing that i like.
i love yuu. and thanks for loving me.
thanks for everything.
thanks for that little surprise factor.
(:

and click is finally online.
im feeling sleepy.

get a life.and yawns.

(:

2007-08-18T20:44:00.000+08:00

//life is such a routine these weeks.

barely had a space to breathe.

benny, happy birthday on 17aug.
i didnt forgotten all about yr birthday alright.
stop scolding me.

and all the best to miss leng xiuwen who is goin to start school really soon.
mayb yuu see who yuu want to see.

everything is changing.
if i had a chance to change something, is to change myself.

not cause i found myself super nasty,
its just i wan to change into a new personality somehow.

just being a nuisance by talking abt split personalities.
like; i started this thing.
but people kept talking abt it.
how unfair.dots.

anyway, if yuu think yuu have split personalities.
i think its best yuu consult a psychatric. or just shoo yrself away from everyone else.
what is yr damn definition of split personalities?
i think yuu are jus a voodoo doll in yr previous life.
got to thank yrself for that shimmering existance of yours.
there is more to come.
i meant karma.
(:

my eyes are itch.

serene, cheer up.yuu have me.don worry alright. (:
and congrats marcus!

yesh, i didnt forgotten all about yuu.
iloveyuu with misses in the air (:

2007-08-14T23:33:00.000+08:00

//bf jus left. and i can finally set down to blog.

sometimes i act like a kid.
i duno why.
but somehow i jus wan things to be done in a really childish way.
and i think im simply naive at times.

priorities still hanging on.
and ouch.the deadly truth hurts.

the commitments.
the desires.
the wants.
the needs.
and the i have to.

brrrr...running out of breathe.

i cant stop saying how much i love yuu (:

2007-08-11T00:16:00.000+08:00

//misses floating in the sky.

that pact, our 6years.
iloveyuu (:

2007-08-08T23:57:00.000+08:00

//if there was something call scanning people personality equipment in stores;
i will devote my whole life to this person who invented this!

brrrrr...if i can slap him. i will.

2007-08-07T23:14:00.000+08:00

//carefully watching every little move behind my back.

can yuu imagine everywhere or else everyone is dangerous around me?
its like;
i felt like a robot.
i can only do what im instructed to do so.
or rather, i can only do what my program had programmed me what to do.

that is hilarious!
i jus wan to laugh this fact off.
sometimes; mayb i talk tooo much or i know too much.
people jus gonna kill me silently any moment.

im scared stiff. so unreal.
drama unfolding.
and i pray for peace.
world peace!
(:

i think im interacting with some unreal people esp BATA.
some ppl might know who im talking.
but dots.im not pin-pointing.
just that detestation level increases.
i think im almost in the same detestation level as serene and cheryl.
joining forces once again.

so yuu are unhappy.admit it.
i still love yuu somehow (;

2007-08-07T00:32:00.001+08:00

//sometimes having too much is a mistake.

im freak disappointed with myself.
and i felt like diminishing myself away.

in such, i thought i could not please everyone.
but somehow. i thought i was wrong.
and for now. i think i made a mistake.
a BIG mistake in short.
HELL!

i tried so hard to balance.and looks like i was wrong.
mayb nothing should have happened.
mayb i should jus stick to my own principles right from the start.
mayb i was wrong to accept someone else again.

its tough.and im getting irritated.
brrrrrr...

could someone tell me if i had did anything wrong?
i could not leave anyone from anyside!

2007-08-06T11:40:00.000+08:00

//taking a major paper in less then 4hours later.

time flies.
one week is gone jus like this again!
i was blog hopping last night.
and i was reading one of mavis's poly-mates blog.
he wrote something that i could not forget thru the night.

LIFE IS LIKE A PIECE OF GLASS.
IF IT BREAKS, DON EVER THINK OF FIXING IT UP.
CUS ITS OVER.IT HAS BROKE APART.
EVEN IF YUU GLUE BACK THE PIECES.
THE PIECE OF GLASS WOULD NOT BE AS SHINY AS BEFORE.

yuu cant make a mistake in life.
people will only rmbr wad mistakes had yuu done and nothing else.
if life was piece of paper. i can jus crushed away the paper that i wrote mistakes on.
im not trying to bear a grudge against my mistakes.
as i grow up, i started to laugh it off with all the previous mistakes ive done when i was young.

in such, i said something really wrong.and really stupid to someone i love so much.
i initiated a break up when i did not want it at all!
ive no idea what is wrong with me.
i said that and my heart sank.
my heart sank in pain.
i know it hurts for him.
i felt the ache in my heart.and hell, miss onglishan is crazy!

i really want to say :
im sorry, bf.
super sorry.
i didnt meant anything when i said that.
i never wanted that too.
i felt blissful.
i had never thought of that i will met someone who love and dote me so much.
im really sorry.
im too afraid to cling to yuu to much and if one day yuu were to leave;
i will be left helpless.
and i will be crying everyday.
im jus so afraid to be hurt once and once again.
for yuu, i can bear with everything, anything.
but hell, please don leave me alone.
its too deep.i sank into it too much.
i could not pull myself back anymore.
so please don say goodbye to me.
don ever do that.

its just; i jus wan my independence to come back to me.
my life is so used with yuu around me now.
afterall, i felt that im such a burden.
a burden that its so hard for yuu to bring along with yuu.
its so hard for yuu sometimes when yuu are with me.

(:

im so sorry!

i felt like a guilty criminal in the freedom of speech circle.

2007-08-02T21:31:00.000+08:00

//sometimes things twist.and its so unpredictable.

life is unpredictable.
and i could not help but kept saying that;
i believe in karma more now.
and it all takes time to prove it.
OHMYGOSH.
karma is my favourite word now.

KARMA.COM.
KARMA.COM.

however, as i said before.
i never want to complicate any stuffs.
just troublemakers get out of my life!
if yuu are not a troublemaker.
come close to me.
if yuu are not a spy,
come closer to me as well.

how i wish someone can hear me explain once again.
im innocent.
afterall, im always innocent.

my happy jellies are on my face now.
im smiling.
so bf, im okie.
sorry to make yuu go thru all this.
and we had a tiff this morning.
i<3yuu>
(;

and click. yuu need some happy jellies from me.
im here always; like yuu are always there for me
(:

2007-08-01T00:10:00.000+08:00

and yesh. i cant imagine that yuu came back to haunt me once again.
please. please.
go away.
ive moved on.
moved on long time ago.
don haunt me anymore.

PLEASE;THAT DREAM.PLS STOP COMING BACK TO ME!

2007-07-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

//in life, im glad there are people always with me.always around me to b there for me.

i cant imagine my life without them.
ever since my poly life starts, i usually looked forward to school almost everyday.
its like; i love my poly school life right now.
i have cheryl. that one that never fail to make me laugh.
i have serene. that one that never fail to tell me gossips and craps.
i have aisya. that one who never fail to say that she is bored.
i have my bf. who never fails to say no to any of my request. taking all my unreasonable stuffs.
i think im super spoilt.guess so.
i have a da da ge who never forget to crack lame stuffs and made everyone so cold.
i have vincci that always like to bully me.
i have benjamin that sings to me non stop.
i have jc that never stop trying to crack lame jokes as well and made people feel like smacking him.

the going home trip jus now was fantastic.
great accompanyment.
wonderful ambience.
and of cause, perfect timing.
i gotta want more dinner trips with these people.
if my darlings were there, it gonna b fun as well.
jc, songming, vincci, bf and i.
(:

LIFE was wonderful with yuu people.
and i guess its fate that brought everyone together as a class.
brought everyone together to spend 4semesters together.
thus; i treasured everyone around me.
no matter whether are we close or are we just pure classmates.

the same thing goes again;
i really did nothing.
and i don intend to elaborate anymore.
i cherished every friendship i have with anyone of them.

and last but not least, i believe in karma.
KARMA.
karma.
and still karma.
KARMA.
as i said, yuu guys are nothing.

i cant stop saying i<3yuu (:

2007-07-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

//happy happy 2mths (:
LOVE;

blog hopping seriously sucks.
but somehow i cant help it and start to browse through here and there.
motivation recommended for doing test plan for iadp project.
and resilence required to complete french studies.
last but not least, i need soul affairs again.

2007-07-27T22:29:00.000+08:00

//i promised him to sleep before 12am.

finally everything is over.
FINALLY!
(:
thats all i can describe it.
though c# was a screwed up thing.
c# had never been my forte.
never. and i had never tried to go to the programming route in year3.
and c# are meant for guys. i duno why.but somehow guys click with it more.
project holds that little weightage as well.
that 20%?
guess i did NOT THAT BAD FOR THE REST OF 80%.
not pinning too much.

afterall, i made a mistake allowing indulgence of privacy to the always 3 of us.
shld not even try at all.
though c# is never my forte. i should at least tried.
or im trying so hard to be.

sometimes not being on par standards kill.
its just the expectations kill.
people have different expectations.
yuu will never hear me saying in a hyper mood that im looking forward to do c#.
or even iadp.
project based module had always killed me.
i alway struggled thru.and this year, this 1st sem.
c# was so relaxing to be frank.
all theory based.
super theoritical.so when it comes to practical.yikes.
nothing seem to work for me.
nothing motivated me through to be honest.

those who are close to me know that i suck in c#.
yuu are killing me silently if yuu wanted me to write codes.
to definite codes.
HOWEVER;
im goin to tell myself this:
ive to DO IT THOU IT GONNA KILLS ME.

iadp presentation was okie.
i managed to laugh it off.
somehow. i managed it better den facing that monster.
grr....

anyway, thanks click for helping me thru iadp.
thanks cheryl and serene for making wonderful partners.
presentation was okie. and i hoped yuu guys thought it was okie.
it feels so good with no one indulging into our world.
and it shall stays on.no matter what.
thanks for always standing by shielding for one another.
i hope i didnt screwed up anything (:

and ive tons of things on mind.
tons of expectations.
tons of I MUST.
i know i can cus its not the end yet (:

im having him on my mind every moment,every second.
thanks for always by my side.
thanks for making me feel im not alone.
thanks for compromising.
thanks for accomodating.
thanks for comforting me always.
thanks for consoling me.
thanks for being with me.
thanks for always say that im not yr burden.
thanks for not leaving me dying when im so unhappy?
thanks for knowin so well.
thanks for waiting for me.
and afterall, thanks for everything.
10more to go.
and im waiting for smth (;
i felt like we were together for such a long time.
we knew each other too well.
yr gf is such a spolit brat.
iloveyuu (:

2007-07-24T22:23:00.000+08:00

//guess miss onglishan is BACK!!
YIPEE!!

back to her normal self.
the one that is her.
only her.
(:

her appetite grew so well this evening in macdonalds.
think she finished 2 servings of fries in less then 10mins?
and she eaten serene or cheryl's share as well?
HAHA.

im happy that miss lishan is back.
(:

if we were together every moment for now.
24/7.
i jus want yuu to b by my side (:

2007-07-23T23:44:00.000+08:00

//HEART aching in pain.
i really thought yuu care for me.
but somehow, i finally realised everything was unreal.
i always treated yuu like a friend that i can count on.
when yuu msn me and said thank yuu and appreciate my effort in tryin so hard to help yuu.
when yuu msn and asked me stuffs.
when yuu called me and cared for me.
now i know everything was unreal.
now i know everything was just an act.
it hurts; but i know how much i meant in your heart now.
i was wrong to try so hard to be on par standard FRIEND AS YUU.
i was wrong to even think of that.

time gonna heals all wounds.
that is the only thing i can console myself out of it.
nothing else.
ive no idea what else to comment.

i jus want to laugh it off and thats it.

FRENCH ROLE PLAY WAS BRAVO.
aisya and i were such a dream duo.
we performed what we are suppose to do and thats it.
(:

now i know who are those who are true to me.
thanks cheryl,serene and aisya for always being true to me.
and thanks bf and da da ge for always standing by.

to bf; yuu cant let go off my hands. i ned yuu (:

2007-07-22T23:25:00.000+08:00

//flying with bubbles in the sky.

a week has passed. and im feeling slightly better.
though i could not take up that acceptance testing.
i jus wan to stay far far away.
perhaps just bein in my own world.
that world that only belongs to the 5ofus (:

time heals all wounds.
and i need more time.
betrayal hurts.
and accusations blinded with blood stains.
backstabbing kills.

whatever it is; it only brought back bad memories.
harsh realities of life.
i thought i could manage it well. but somehow, i was left dying alone.
SIGH.
shall not mention it anymore.

yuu are there to guide me along always.
iloveyuu (:

2007-07-20T21:26:00.000+08:00

//one hectic week down!
its GONE!
like finally.
i been awaiting for friday to come in silence.

and i shall just explode and collapse.
cause im running out of breathe now and then.

casual strangers bumpin into this homecoming queen.
its like; a castle breaks apart and bricks running off.
and the road cracking apart.
with glass windows smashing down and shattered into pieces.
with broken pieces on the floor dripping with blood.
and fingerprints stained on the sharp weapon.

it was a murder scene with all suspects and no murderer.
it was harsh;
cold-blooded and it stinks.
suspects on posters pasted all around me.
and no one saw them. no one knows where they are.
they are gone forever.
vanished into thin air.

time gonna heals all wounds.
condolescenes to those who are killed in this incident.
yuu died with no sins.
yuu died not in peace.
and most importantly,. yuu have no idea how yuu died.

CRAP.im getting eerie.
its just so CSI in progress.
the heart in glass in new york episode was fabulous.
with split personalities drama.
like; some freaks just don understand what is the meaning of split personalties.

anyway.
my hectic schedule is here to boom.
i cant wait for week15 to end.
cause it brings to the end of all sufferings.
i meant ALL SUFFERINGS.

there is something goin on btween click and i.
drifted apart i guess?
or am i thinking too much?
the best of all besties.
i love yuu, click (:

i been an unreasonable brat gf i heard.
i been a nasty gf i heard.
i been a bad girl i heard.
i been such a big bully gf i heard.
i been such a psycho gf i heard.
i been such a crazy gf i heard.
i been such a mood swing gf i heard.

BIG BULLY ME;
SPOILT BRAT ME;
UNREASONABLE ME;
THE BABY WHO HAD ALWAYS WANTED TO FIGHT WITH YUU.
THE BABY WHO ALWAYS SLAP YUU.
THE BABY WHO ALWAYS MATCHMADE YUU WITH OTHER GIRLS WHEN SHE DON MEANT IT OR RATHER;
THE BABY WHO CRIES LIKE HELL WHEN HE LEAVES HER.

iloveyuu (:

2007-07-16T21:41:00.000+08:00

//trying so hard to be peaceful.
i failed as a negotiator.
wrong.i failed being a normal person in class.
i failed being onglishan.

i changed my blog url cause i don wan any interactions with unnecessary people.
i changed it cause i don wan to start blog bashing stuff.
its childish.
i deleted their contacts in msn for the same reasons as well.
if i put my msn nick den they will start saying i started the whole damn thing.

ive said; i take all accusations.
i stood alone and wandered.
did i offended all FAT ASSES in my previous life?
mayb i did.

again; lishan never failed to take all accuses and blames to herself.

JOKE OF THE MONTH!

time gonna heals all this;
what i could not imagine was;
there are people who backstabbed me through when i thought this person tried to care so much.
SIGH.

its over.
comments are useless.
in short; comments are unnecessary.

the thought of goin near them scares me.

no thank yuu list;
ive my own thank yuu list in my mind and heart.

at least after all this. i know who is true to me.
i know who are those who stood by yuu always.

im tired.
i know there will be angel blessing me through everyday.
watching me silently.
looking forward to school as usual.
cause there is YUU (:

2007-07-14T00:00:00.000+08:00

//HEARTBROKEN!

yuu ruined it with your own hands.
i hate this.
i have no idea why yuu said that.
i done too much to hold myself back.
mayb i never done enough.
mayb i was wrong.
i took everything for granted.
i made yuu teared cus of me.
i was so wrong!

ive said;
i will die if yuu leave me.
i will do anything to stop myself from thinking.

don cry cus of me.
not worth yr tears.
don die cus of me.
yuu lost me.

2007-07-12T21:00:00.000+08:00

//that happy little kid (:

with happy endings and with blessings;
i felt so wonderful.

and not at all times do i realised im acting such like a brat.
i don ned explain to people that don undeerstand me well enough.
its okie.its not the first time such a stuff had happened to me.
perhaps i should do smth to make myself in clear mind.
losing every grip of energy and strength in the midst of tryin so hard to make things work.

I AM A HAPPY LITTLE GIRL !!

runnin out of breathe.
with my heart runs in that fast speed.
irresistable.thats the thing.
looking at yuu from behind could also make me smile.
smile that yuu are so near to me.
smile at every little single thing yuu done to me.
smile at every little actions of yours.
too deep and i cant pull myself back.
done too much.and love yuu too much.
(:

2007-07-11T12:51:00.000+08:00

//tears kept flowing down.
and; sorry mummie & daddiee.i could not stop myself from crying.
im sorry for being such a nasty brat.
im sorry for crying so much.
please don leave me in the middle of the road again and again.

sick by every single person actions;
too hard to even try to gasp a single breathe of fresh air.
i felt so suffocated.
i just want to break away or even break apart.
misery slips into my life.
sorrow filled my life.

selfish is not the word to use around.
stop yr mind guessing games.
its getting irritating.
shoo yrself away from bloggin life.
yuu are too kiddy to be in this blog life.
classmates are not acting like classmates.
acting more like arch rivals intruding on another's love life.

life being in love was in total disaster with;
eyes of hatred surround me.

do what yuu people wan to kill me so that yuu people will be happy.

im just an unwanted trash.

2007-07-09T23:22:00.000+08:00

Do things not for yourself, not for her, but for the both of us.
Respect her for what she is, but let her knows where she went wrong.
Give nothing but your best when spending time with her.
Tell her sweet but honest things on how you feel abt her.
Do not interrupt her when she talks, cause communication is a critical resource
but make sure she listens to yuu every little moment.

If she’s bullied, please stand up for her.
If she’s glam or unhappy, be that clown that will make her smile
If she’s angry, let yrself be her punching bag, and never take the blame.
If she’s happy, happy for her and laugh with her.
If she’s sarcastic, outsmart her with yr words but allowin her to win in the end.
If she’s ill, console her in yr arms.
when she is with yuu, nv ogle at other girls.
when she’s pms-ing, be understanding and look at things objectively and blame anything but not her.

If yuu like her and is so in love with her, be able to express yourself freely to her. yuu should not “try to be the kind of guy that she’ll like” but be “a guy that she appreciates and loves you back in return.”

//misleading scenarios.
mind games still on.
and i love drama classes.
and its getting exciting.
and the challenge comes.
boohoo..
i love the barney singing the song when i pressed its tummy.
SO CUTE (:

DEAREST CLICK;

nothing is wrong.i don blame yuu for anything thou that hurts.its over.and we are forever what we are (:

2007-07-08T23:02:00.000+08:00

i nearly forgotten to post up the ferroro gardens choco that mervin lee sent me thru DHL that i receiveed this morning!
THANK YUU FOR MAKING ME GAIN 0.5KG MORE IF I FINISHED THAT IN 2DAYS!
the silver ones are nice.
and blue ones too.
MERVIN,i want MORE!!

THANK YUU! (:

HAPPY BDAE MY DEAR BUDDY, MARCUS!
AND my ex-lover, MISS EMILY (:

2007-07-08T22:27:00.000+08:00

//how i wish i were stopped in that period of time.
i loathe growing up.
and to face those harsh realities of life.
complicated.
with things kept hovering to my side;
with facts that float around me.
i got so sick of trying so hard to be that little girl.
im sorry, mummie. if i ever did anything wrong.
don scold me for behaving like a brat.
i tried to be good.
but its hard.
im too nasty.
and for yuu, i gonna try to change to be yr good girl.
i love yuu so still.

and miss onglishan start to get emo.
and super emo i meant.
questions kept popping back.

is it because we jus started so thats why we miss each other, we love each other so much?
and when time jus flies like this.
all these wont exist anymore.
is that so?
is that gonna b an expiry date to everything?
when will yuu gonna leave me?
when will yuu gonna be annoyed with me?
when will yuu get irritated with me?
when will yuu hate everything about me?
when will yuu switched off with every single thing i told yuu?
when will yuu forgot wad i had ever tell yuu?
when will yuu forgot wad are my preferences?
when will yuu found me a brat? a kid or even a bitch?
when will yuu found me not compatible for yuu?
when will yuu found me not the one for yuu?
when will yuu stop saying how much yuu miss me?
when will yuu stop saying how much yuu love me?
when will yuu say i ruin yuu?
when will yuu say goodbye to me without looking behind?
when will yuu slap me and tell me that yuu hate me?
when will yuu stop loving me?
when will yuu stop hugging me in yr arms?
questions kept popping up.
if there was a thing call forever.
if there was a thing call eternity.
i cant lose yuu.sigh.
typical love story.

emo-ing in progress.
too much for me to take.
and i had to be strong.
and i had to smile.

standin in the middle of the road till i realise i was stuck and ive nowhere to go.

onglishan, yuu smiled (:
im fine.

2007-07-06T23:32:00.000+08:00

//happy together.
with the 2girls, i never failed to smile and laugh.
and yesh, yuu guys bright up my life.

the together.

cheryl LOVE serene so i got a shock! what a version!

i love yuu people and the neoprints look wonderful.
and i cant stop looking at them!

being with yuu is happiness.
and things are way too fast.
im sensitive,nasty and complicated.
and cant imagine i done so much.
iluvyuu (:

2007-07-05T22:12:00.000+08:00

//forever miserable.
i look like a problematic kid.
fight after fight.
im sorry for being a sensitive brat.
and yesh, yuu upset me once again with yr negative remark.
and i read too much into it.
i was fcuked up to the extent of thinking of breaking up.
trying to make things worst.
thought i could be able to balance.
and yesh, i think i still can.
cus no one doubts my capability.
perhaps i think too much into it.
i love yuu more then anything else.

2007-07-04T23:59:00.000+08:00

//dramas.
i loathe dramas.

and i cant imagine im that wonderful in keeping things hash hash.
like so bad that i kept something so BIG to my big bro.
OOPS.im sorry.

requirements are just a page of obligations.
a page of i don like yuu factor if yuu don meet my requirements.
a page of please meet the requirements or we are through.
or we will broke up.
now i know requirements are necessary in a relationship.
and a pact is seriously the most important factor.
luckily my boy and i made that pact long ago.

everything are external factors.
most important is; both are happy together and not forgetting some factors like bucks, care, and etc.
thats why there are breaks up everday.

yuu will always be my friend thou wad had happened.
i cant bear to miss out this FUNNY ATTITUDE person in my life.
and my hatred list goes on.
the list is still on.

being with yuu is happiness (:

2007-07-04T00:13:00.000+08:00

//disappointment hangs around.
i don see the need to make things work any further.
LIKE; hello. miss onglishan.yuu aare bitching again.

ive no idea what kind of people im mixing with.
i love my life now.
but somehow something was missing.
and i do treasure every single one.
but please tell me when yuu are true.
come to me when yuu are true to me.
come near me if yuu know yuu are interacting with miss onglishan.

i started to hate everyone around me again.
everything was a mistake.
big mistake.
accomodation sucks to the core!
i interact with almost everyone.
i like to communicate with everyone.
ive no idea what im saying.

and being attached meant nothing.
i admitted that im attached okie.
i don ned eyes of doubts from ex lovers.
why are yuu telling me tales like yuu think im not on par standard with him?
or tales like; yuu are too sucky for him.
oh please.yuu think yuu are too perfect for him?
yuu are just a fugly slut!
oh man.im so pissed!
by all means, its pretty obvious who the hell im bitching.
go ahead and be that newscaster and reports it!
anyway. im facing tons of fugly sluts around me.
and im bitching like that bumble bee cum YOYO!

i cant help it.
im exploding any moment.

and boy had a hard time trying to cool me down.
and his hand was filled with my fingerprints.
never didnt i expected that yuu are that understanding.
could not stop saying how much i love yuu.

and serene,cheryl and aisya are always my pillar of strength.

enough bitching.
ONGLISHAN.

2007-07-02T15:56:00.000+08:00

//tried so hard to make things work.
look like i was wrong.
maybe everything was a mistake in the first place.
perhaps we should not started.
i thought i could managed and balance whatever are around me.
and looks like i could not.
i don multi-task and i duno how to do.
i duno what should i say.
ive simply no idea what should i do.

unexpected and that was the word.
is that even me?
or concentration just splited just like this.
or am i so not in top form?
i hate myself now.
perhaps the one typing this blogspot is not even onglishan.
HELL.
not making up to standards kill.
its supposed to be a BALLON NOT A DUDE.
see the link?

sigh.
ive no idea.
i dunno what is wrong with me.
is there something wrong with me?
or im getting far too difficult to handle?
effort made. but results dont show.
what is wrong?!
ARGH..
im pissed.super.

serene is looking at what im typing now.
i guess she equally screwed up.
she just finished joking with me.
and yesh.the laughter is so fake.
sigh.
we both screwed up.not forgetting dear cheryl.
sigh.sigh.sigh.

i ned that damn review!
i don look down on whatever that is so called "REALITY."
fcuked off.

screwed up.
leave me alone.

2007-07-01T23:45:00.000+08:00

//distinguish guests and surprises.

week12 starts after a couple of minutes.
how time flies.
that was scary plus it was eerie.

looking forward to sch now and then.
those accompanyments make me smile.

colourful life.
with that black and white picture.
maybe i doubt yuu too much

(:

2007-06-30T15:29:00.000+08:00

//blogging with boy just sitting opposite of me.

always trembling in fear and swallowing sour tears when i argued with him.
its not that minor as what i thought.
it was like a critical situation with endless thoughts of consequences and breaking aparts.
its just a little harsh with those words that hurt.
that particular sentence differs with each other's opinion.
maybe he seem it as a different thing and i saw it as something that stabs me straight into my heart.
it was not as simple as what i thought.
it just stunned me with that sudden sentence. nothing much to elaborate and nothing much to explain and telling the whole world what was really know.
as i said, when yuu are in a relationship.
its not just the 2 of us that matters.
it will evolved around other people.
and usually a conflict started due to a 3rd party or something a 3rd party said.

never mind, it over.im over it.
we are still as before.and i really hope that things gonna b much more better.

bloggin life to me had always been peaceful.
but somehow. it appeared to be chaotic suddenly.
super chaotic plus hectic and super complicated.
mind games here and there.
guessing game played once and once again.

someone never stop to play the victim.
and another someone never failed to be unhappy about the particular post or sentence.
oh yesh.
yuu have the right to voice out in yr blog.
that is not wrong.
but dots. blogging is not about yelling at that person, screwing up that person. or just hating that particular someone.
is about blogging about yr life.
thou i had always claimed some much i hated a particular someone.

tryin to play safe now.
im telling something that i don feel like talking about.
currently, im encountering people that make hurtful statements.
statements that they themselves don even get it i guess.
and behind those hurtful statements, they don seem to understand that it indirectly had commented on how they felt about that someone's character and personality.
and sometimes it hurts.
seriously, if yuu think of me as such a lady, i will be really unhappy and i might just ignore this person existance forever.
somehow, i don feel good and ive been thinking about it last night.

that sucks.
sigh.
mayb younger boys don understand that definition or they meant something else behind it.
OR they are simply dumb?
OR they meant nothing.
too much assumptions.
whatever. i don wan to think abt it.
close friends know who am i referring to. and what they had said.
don ask me, i wont bother to entertain such questions.
useless talking about it anyway.

wheelock coffeebean's atmosphere was wonderful.
thou i met a total of 3 GAYS on my way here.
its kind of eerie and disgusting.
maybe there will be more when i am roaming around in orchard.
what a wonderful saturday to spend it with my boy and my 2 girls plus benjamin.

im always that happy little girl.

dear aisya, cool down. i always trusted yuu cus we are always that close.
and nothing gonna be wrong.
mayb someone that we know tried to break us apart.
we will b strong as yuu said.
don worry.
we are as close!

mervin, im fine. don worry. no one bullied me thru.thanks for email thou.i cant entertain yuu at such a late hour. im tired and i had always treasure my sleepin time that much.
yiting, mavis. sorry if i frightened yuu guys.everything was solved.

thank yuuu for coming into my life.
(:

2007-06-28T23:43:00.000+08:00

//attention,importance,prorities.
there is always something more important then anything else.
like miss onglishan;
who are yuu?
yuu are not even in that importance list.
even someone so insignificant got more attention.
so who are yuu to pin more attention on yuu?
oh pls.
there was objections.
so they were so right of me.
im that girl with that bitch factor.
fine, i take all allegations of that thou its hard for me to be one.
i lost.
i lost in every little thing that spins around yuu.

this sucks.

im feelin lousier.100% much more lousier.

attention got less.lesser.and lesser.
even the most insignificant person got more den ME.
im just so not impt.

those tears taste sour.leave me alone.

guilt.

2007-06-27T23:03:00.000+08:00

//guilt plays a major role in miss onglishan's life today.

i made BIG big BIG harsh rash statements.
i done big BIG big tough actions.
and im feeling so guilty.
saying sorry now is my forte.
apologises always had to be made after i need some not rational.
i guess im being a little naughty seriously.

BOOOO....
mistakes here and there.
nevertheless, i enjoyed the accompanyment with my 2 wonderful girls.
miss vincci and miss serene.not forgetting boy and benjamin.
never failed to make me smile and laugh.
plus; otah is addictive!
i want more dinners with otahs..

it was simple.
some people just make it complicated.
i realised how nasty it can be.
thats is like so disgusting.
thats what i gonna say next.
stop bugging me with unnecessary sweet smses or call me just to ask me where am i.
thanks. i don ned that.

MERVIN;i received the yankee tops!! THANK YUU!
thanks dear aisya for that bitch factor badge and those greeny stuffs.

im harsh,yuu are turning too sweet(:

2007-06-26T23:17:00.000+08:00

//blink blink.

2days just gone.thats why i love school.cause yuu will know how precious time is.

i spent the 2days with a smile in my heart.
i love the way that things are going on.
i meant, glad to see people around me always laughing and smiling.
i hate grotty faces. in simple. ugly faces.
but there are people who are like this.

some himbo stared at me till her eyes gonna drop off any moment.
perhaps in previous life. i snatched her boyfriend or killed her lover.or was her rival.
why in earth is that such a person..
what is the world coming to.
i don even know her.

its been such a long time miss ong lishan done reflections.
been thinking through so much.
too many things are coming up.
no time for anymore fun i guess.
i started to cherish the days im with all my classmates.
i started to treasure every little time we can spent together.

i sound super emo.

mervin,where yuu been?
we are waiting for yr latest update.

yiting; yuu saw me yesterday.slept on my bed and hugged my garfield.
mavis went MIA too.
amos, ivan too.
aisya; so glad to see yuu again and i love the craps we been talking.

hugging yuu in my arms make me realise how blessed i was to have yuu with ME(:

2007-06-23T01:06:00.000+08:00

//so what is installed now with the counting down of 2days to my BIG day of school reopen?

i started to feel that im splitted into parts and pieces.
1part of me is in somewhere.and the other piece of myself is at somewhere else.
and i don understand what is with the popularity factor tagging around ME?
or what is the aftermath of a relationship with no commitment and absolutely LOVE?
and not forgetting;
the confession of the most highlighted relationship of the month.

right here, im trying so hard to make progression on something more important.
not something super distracting.

some people just have different aims in life.
ive friends who want a perfect distinction for their love life;
while some others just want to live their life just like that.

for me, i prefer something peaceful.
so it will b great that things are just leading the way i wanted it to be.

movie marathon kills for people like me now.
it was not that horrendous anyway.
just the accompanyment makes me smile.
im so mean to yuu by making yuu do all those stuffs.
and im so sorry abt it.
i cant helped it.

to my dearest aisya ::
so sweet of yuu and i miss those bonding sessions with yuu with those endless juicy gossips and complains.
i love yuu and thanks for always be there to comfort me.to console me and to miss me =p
come on, yuu miss me too arhs.

jaric is killing me silently.
really silently.
and i still loathe him as usual.
LIKE; yikes.
that bitch factor tagging with yuu.
ive no idea what else to comment about yuu.
i just know what should i do to make yuu shut yr mouth!
(:

to part is tough.
to forsake is worst.
and not doing up to standard kills.

2007-06-20T12:52:00.001+08:00

//that thing lies in the bottom of my heart.
bleeding and the bleeding never stops.
and ive said tons of stuffs that not supposed to be said.
i mentioned tons of stuffs that are not supposed to be mentioned.
i think i was harsh.super harsh.
never been so idiotic in such a way.
to be true, i act like an idiot.

i guess so.
trilogies of my inexperiences.
theories of not making it.
and im so stuck suddenly.

i want school to reopen and thats it.
boooo.....
i miss school.

and one more thing;
i need to do tons of stuffs.
in prgressing..
or haven touch it at all.

im like a fool cause i regretted what ive done.

2007-06-18T16:47:00.000+08:00

Create your own Friend Test here

im jus BORED.and mavis started it.YAWNS.

2007-06-17T16:59:00.000+08:00

//oh couz, im sorry. i cant help it.
i just could not take my eyes off it.
its tooo gorgeous then i ever imagine it was.
nah, the real thing that im tryin to emphasize is;
that thing only looks gorgeous on me.
i didnt mean anything.
its jus so not yr style; JEFF.
so eh, no comments simply cause ive no idea what to comment.

jus some mild bitching.
1week left to school.
so im kinda reluctant to b back to that kind of hectic life once more.
i been into some tv marathon.
one drama after another.
one movie after another.
one music video after another.

and its time for me to sit down and get things done.

its not the happy factor that counts.
its the bucks factor that counts for me here.
i felt that heart ache for yuu alright.
and to b frank, i wonder how other people will think.
sigh.

i want to do shopping spree AGAIN.

aisya bf, i love yuu too.
and merv, all the best in newyork.
cant believed i cried when yuu said don cry.
and merv, yuu promised to buy me those yankees tops.

p/s :: to whom it may concern.yuu shld know who yuu are.
i had said this tons of times.
the friendship is ruined with yr own hands.
we will never be the same again i guess.
stop making complications to every little minor matter.
im jus unhappy of what yuu said last night.
i didnt mean to hurt yuu. or even made yuu in an embarrassing situation.
i didnt mean to be rude too.
yuu are never so crude.yuu are never so fugly with yr actions in front of me.
yuu had never attempt to hurt me with yr words.
i had forgiven yuu long ago.
im out of yuu, see.
it ended with a fullstop.
so please, treasure everyone yuu have now.
im just a minor presence around yuu and seriously.i don ned any special treatments.
what i wan yuu to do is to leave me alone.
don come and reprimand me cus yuu think i did smth wrong or did smth that yuu think i wont do.
time has change.
yuu changed.and i changed.
everything changes.
lead yr own life like i lead my own life.
stop steppin into my circle.
yuu don belong to this circle anymore.
i compromise cus of merv,xy,scott presences.
i smiled at yuu cus of mavis,yt and stella existances.
i talked to yuu cus of them!
so don ever think we have a chance getting back together.
no way!
i really don wan to see yuu again or even speak a single word to yuu anymore so don step into my life.
love who yuu are with right now.
i want to be out of yr shadows once and for all.
ive done it so don pull me back anymore.
don call me.don sms me.
don call anyone mentioned above to send me any msg.
yuu are in yr square and im in my circle.
signed off,
the lishan who used to be yours but died in yr hands.

2007-06-15T23:57:00.000+08:00

//because of ME, yuu are lost.
because of YUU, im losing every bit of miss lishan's factor.
i lost every little single thing that hurts me.
now im turning away. turning away from that irritating existance.
brrrr...
im bleeding i guess.
what is wrong with me?
i just felt irritated and just wan to shut myself again.

i did smth wrong again and again.
i doubt again and again.
im inferior again and again.
simply they are deadly facts in my LIFE.

global signals..where yuu been?

2007-06-13T23:47:00.000+08:00

//HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY TO MY DEAREST BF AISYA~
(:

face up with the harsh part of numbers.
our AGE.
thanks for always bein my dearest boyfriend and click.
yuu never failed to cheer me up.
and yesh, hope yuu like the pressies as well.

a small celebration done in seoul garden,marina square with emily,nadiah,fatin and jiali.
woohoo..
and nowlets see how drama mama she was this afternoon.HAHA.
OOPS.

half of the time, she was laughing and telling me how much she hates ME.
dots. and how she wished she would kill me right there.
ohgosh.she is obviously too HIGH...
=p

why my eyes turned so small....
dots.
i love my boyfriend aisya.

and yesh, emily. she going to be my another lover sooner.
HAHA.

stay HAPPY always;
dearest aisya.

if my boy is happy,im always your that little happy girl
(:

2007-06-11T23:45:00.000+08:00

//party was absolutely wonderful.
and i gonna miss that mr mervin.don worry.
and yesh,mavis.yiting.amos and ivan.

and i simply do not understand why that person is trying to come btween he and i?
what is the matter?
had i done something wrong to this person or what?
i really cant figure out why.
i treat this person like my bestie and he is doing this to me.
fine, i take all the accusations.and i take all the blames.
just don ever come btween he and i.
i could not take allegations anymore.
or in simple. i cant lose the person im holding on right now.

a stranger came up to the bus and said i looked like his ex lover and that fate plays a part of making us meet.YES;like real.whatever.

im sleeping.
cause i promised to be a good girl to turn in early which is not that early anyway.

2007-06-09T15:32:00.000+08:00

//FRIDAY for most of the people was wonderful but for dear miss onglishan it was disastrous,horrendous plus horrible.

i disappointed tons of people.
i disappointed my dearest click-aisya, nadiah with their shocking replies.
i disappointed my 2 girls; miss serene and miss cheryl.
plus i disappointed HIM.

YES,miss ong lishan is getting super unpredictable.
no one had ever guess that i would ever do such a thing.
it was a super yikes action.
super disgusting ive to say.
but somehow, i did that. LIKE;
no comments.

im sorry to all those ppl who i had disappointed seriously.
im super super sorry.
i didnt mean to do such a thing.
i just want to break away from the life i was leading then.
and i want to run away.
i acted like a convict but i could not help it.
im SO SORRY!
please don lose hope on ME.
dont leave me alone too.
i promised no more surprises from me now on.
seriously.
SIGH.

it was finally over and the holidays are here.
woohoo.
UK FUNFAIR.
and yes, everyone around me was away.
aisya in malacca.
dear sis in china.
and im in singapore.

im so glad that my boy came just right in time.
i knew he was disappointed.
i knew he was thinking that im crazy.
yesh, i think he was so right.
i knew he gonna doubt me.
how could i doubt him from leaving me behind as well?
stupid lishan.
thanks for everything last night.
yuu never failed to make me smile from the bottom of my heart.
and i promise there gonna be no more such actions from ME.
YESH, its time to buck up on yr school life not yr work life.
i wanna see yuu soon.i meant really soon.
(:

ive so much to do and again.i think i ned to be more more organized.
thou im okie with organization.
and happy bdae mervin!
and after that everyone are going on different paths.
treasure tonight.

crabs walk sideways but my crab walks straight.
cus it belongs to ME.
=p

2007-06-05T23:25:00.000+08:00

//i was unhappy a moment den here im stressing over projects.

what is with the database thing?
and what is with the login and registration page?
YES;c# is always not my forte.
so its like calling me to go to hell with those codes.
thou i feel the thing is coming with those c# codes smiling at me when mr ant master started teaching me.
its like kind of i know yuu long ago face giving that i love yuu speech.

alright, im getting a little crazy over the facts of endless tests and projects.
presentation is coming again.
i sort of dread presenting in front of the class.
i rather present to people ive no idea who are they.

met up with sis finally!
and i realised that both of us had changed.
mayb we are growing up.
mayb ive done something i should not done it at all.

im not unhappy.
i jus hate the attention im getting.
YAWNS;
shoo if there are comments seriously.
i dont need people telling me that we are wrong to do this and that.
so if yuu are unsatisfied.yuu are reluctant to see the both of us getting together.
just shoo.
i got nothing to comment or rather ive no idea what to comment.
the i heart him factor still lies.

and i wont let my concentration splits into too many parts.
its not suppose to be the way things are suppose to be done.
im still miss onglishan.
its jus that ive one more thing to concern about.
YES,im still who i am.

in simple, leave me if yuu think im getting not the way lishan used to be.
or stay with me if yuu think im always lishan.
i hate explaining to people why i did this and that.
then i will have a tough time trying to explain the whole world till the whole world understands.

i rather i had told yuu nothing.
that thought haunts me now.

2007-06-03T22:22:00.000+08:00

//miss onglishan is getting super crazy, super sensitive.
yikes me.

and miss onglishan is not depressed.
she is just plain sensitive.
she is acting like some himbo gasping for a space to breathe.
and she starts bugging her boy for unnecessary comments.
and her boy never fails to put her into sleep so as to make her stop functioning her mind so much.
and yes, she is trying so hard to be like some drama mama.

all those human relationship's stress kills her.
all those unnecessary little comments skinned her alive.
all these made her switched off.

AND;she starts to hate everyone.

(:

2007-06-02T12:48:00.000+08:00

//last night was the most wonderful day i had in my year2 sem1!

minus those bickers,those making choices stuff,those unnecessary stalkers and attitudes.

i love talking to normal people in simple.
in which i had so much difficulty in tryin to communicate with normal human beings since year1 semII.
as normal to the fact that they could take one another's words in mind but not in heart.

there are indifferences among one another.
but i dont see the need to make things that obvious.
simply with the fact that we are fated to be classmates.
somehow, attitudes surround.
with scheming plots and everything else.
that shivers me and hell.
i loathe everyone in the end.
that explains why i always love talking EVERYTHING to my 2 girls, serene & cheryl and my dearest bf;aisya.
and thats it!
case closed.

i always believed to the fact that ive tons of besties and everyone is different.
there are some besties who you can always rely on.
there are some besties who are slightly more tempted to social enjoyment and accompanyment.
ive no idea what im talking.
there are always boundaries.
nevertheless, i treasure every friend ive friendship with.
and i treasure every friendship i have with my classmates too.

and yeah.
to the fact i was with my 2 girls.serene and cheryl.
and my big bro & HIM.
those topics are just so PG18.
simply cause the topics are just tooo fun to play around with.

the most memorable thing was :
i still could be able to click with my big bro so much.
how much i miss my big bro!
we click to that kind of extent that he would be able to read my mind.
every little thing he said was what i had always wanted to say.
it made me laugh out loud seriously.
i had never had such a good laugh after every little thing that happened to me!
the session really cheered me up so much.

and conclusion:
im so afraid of GAYS.
im so sorry.
due to bad experience, im afraid of GAYS!
im not sceptical or biased.
JUST bad bad experience.

i cant live without HIM;
i hate yuu thats it.
=p