i already felt bad and miserable enough. 

to make things worst, she reprimanded on me. 

im not a lousy student at all. 

i came to lab on time. i can come to lab when no ppl are here yet and start doing my task.i done all i can to finish up my tasks. 

i hate it when yuu named ME as one of them.

to think in my heart, yuu are a great lecturer. 

thanks for the conclusion tht yuu concluded on me. 

greatly appreciated.and pls don judge people just of the people around them.

nothing fancy me and im truly upset.real upset.

thou i graduated but the last day in nyp was a trauma that i never wanted to look back on the place that i had so much happy moments in for the last 3years.

full of miseries these 2weeks. im collapsing.

//BRRRR....im really busy with my project.

and ive problems thinking straight i think.

ive decided to dump this friend away.

dump is a harsh word but all these days, i watched this person behave and she changed to someone i never know. all the years of friendship accumulated were redundant.

all these years, the efforts of bulding up this friendship was furtile. it was meaningless when it broke apart into pieces of shattered glass. 

i really could not be bothered whether will this person be reading this or this person knows something from gossip-mongers or this person can sense it thru my msn and my actions.

i really cant be bothered anymore.  i really do not want to care anymore.

the effort i tried to build up for this friendship went furtile from the moment this person hurts me deeply. those words pierced thru me when i thought this person would never do it. 

this person betrayed the trust i had to him/her. i was deeply disappointed but as time goes by, i need to let go of this crucial truth that this person had given me. 

i will only hate this person more if i continue to smile at this person or even think about that particular nasty thing this person did to me. 

mr joseph had a hard time to persuade to step out of it. but as time goes by, i started to get used to this deadly fact. sometimes i teared not because its over; its due to the fact that this person is someone once so dear to me and the hard time we shared together went meaningless.it is such a waste.

katherine mcphee- its over

I'm over your lies,
And I'm over your games.
I'm over you asking me,
When you know I'm not okay.
You call me at night,
And I pick up the phone.
And though you be telling me,
I know your not alone.
Ohh...

Thats why
(your eyes)
I'm over it
(your smile)
I'm over it
(realize)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over..

Wanting you to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
Because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
But now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

I'm over your hands,
And I'm over your mouth.
Trying to drag me down,
And fill me with self-doubt.
Ohh...

Thats why,
(your words)
I'm over it
(so sure)
I'm over it
(i'm not your girl)
I'm over it
I'm over it
I'm over...

Wanting you to be wanting me,
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
Because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
But now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

Don't call,
Don't come by,
Ain't no use,
Don't ask me why,
You'll never change,
There'll be no more crying in the rain.

Wanting you to be wanting me
No that ain't no way to be.
How I feel, read my lips,
Because I'm so over..
Moving on, its my time,
You never were a friend of mine.
Hurt at first, a little bit,
But now I'm so over.
I'm so over it..

//thought yuu were true to me.

thought yuu were my everything. 

thought yuu will nv betrayed me. 

thought yuu will nv made me cry. 

i was wrong. 

disappointed.upset.but what can i do?

// i will never forgive yuu cause i never ever will forget how much hurt yuu bring to me. 

the hatred stays forever in my heart. my heart is bleeding with such treatments and yuu shld know more then anyone else how i been treating yuuu from year1 to year3. 

i will never give myself any chance to forgive yuu.i wont.

//GOODBYE 2008; say hi to 2009! (: 

there are so many things that happened in year2008.

basically,apr2008 to aug2008; i met great friends from my newly formed class clustered with the same specialisation. 

year3 1st semester was a great year to start off in nyp. 

there might be disagreements, misunderstandings, fights here and there. 

i remembered vividly that there was a period that aisya and i clashed tons of times cause of her laziness. 

2008 was a year that i became real unhealthy. i fell badly ill; i went to tan tock seng hospital in the middle of the night like 4am and i really thought at that moment i would lose everyone and leave this world.and that critical moment, i really just want to say goodbye and close my eyes. 

2008 is a year of infernal affairs; there are always unhappy stuffs happening around. 

and i spent the last 2 months of 2008 in beijing and as usual. happy and unhappy times. 

thanks to all the great people that made up my colourful 2008! 

thank all for the great memories.

especially the people mentioned below; im so thankful that yuu people exist in my world and the appreciation that yuu people given me for the past year and i really hope that the relationship, the friendship continues (: 

BC- my 19months old baby.the one who never failed to take care of me. in beijing, i had fever during xmas and pathetic him had to stay in my room to look at me sleep, wear the thick thick winterwear to go out and buy food for me to eat. boil hot water for me in that lousy kettle, cook cup noodles with egg for me when the other friends went to town to have fun. 

i nagged,i scolded,i cried,i angry,i happy,i upset,i agitated,i excited,i motivated all because of him. 

there are times that we fought till we cried,there are times that we are too happy that we did not bother when some bomb will come and made us exploded.there are times when we practically ignored each other just cause we are damn pissed with each other. 

thanks for all the love and care tht yuu showered me (: 

aisya - the click that always stays with me no matter what. the girl that never left me alone. always there to listen to me this and that. i nag alot but all is good for yuu. i love her accompanyment, i love her smses, i cant help think of her and start smsing her. the days in beijing is so bored without her. 

serene, vincci, jc, joseph. these people really made me feel that im not alone. 

grace, remes, calvin. the new friends that never failed to make me laugh and b there for me. 

(: 

next post will be uploaded with performance photos. 

LOVE all.

week 6 day number 37.

I AM GOING HOME!! 

and 2008 is going to be over. 

this beijing trip is really fruitful and its real challenging. 

no matter in friendship or whatever ship that yuu can be reminded of. 

there will be some events that happened that yuu will never forget. 

there will be a couple of people that yuu hoped he/she will never leave yuu now. 

there will be some yummy stuffs that yuu hoped yuu can bring back to singapore. 

there will be definitely tons of things that yuu hoped yuu never lose them when yuu go back to singapore. 

through this 6weeks, i was deeply traumatized,happy,excited,delighted.

ive seen the true colours of how some of my friends act.

and it made me real stunned. it left me speechless. 

perhaps there will be people who felt that i am a real weird freak.

cause i slept at 1130pm to 12am every night. 

and i bathed twice.once in the morning and once at night. 

my lights went off when they were going to start their activity. 

and what i always do at night was slack and watched tv. cheena shows are real nice. 

i jus went to sleep when im real tired. i believe by getting sufficient rest, i will be fine. 

the 2 sick incidents.

i had fever during week2 cause my dearest room-mate switched on the heater to 30degrees when im not in the room. and this is common sense,the weather outside the building was 5degrees and yr room temperature is 30degrees.please do your maths and remember the difference. it will definitely make yuu fell ill. 

and without switching on the heater(fyi,it acts like the air-con when its summer in cheena), there is actually a normal cooler which looks like metal pieces in the room and with that, yuu can keep real warm. and the formula of not being disturbed in the middle of the night due to the coldness is to wear more. 

fyi, i wore 1thermal, my long sleeve pyjamas and 2jackets to sleep. and my bottom is my track pants and thermal pants plus the socks.

these were enough to make me sleep through the night soundly. 

if yuu think yuu are cold, just wear more. why isit so difficult ? i really don understand how some ppl think.

and the second time that i fell ill was just few days ago. 

i had fever once again cause i didnt wore my thermal suit out for dinner when i had xmas performance cause the thermal made yuu looked real fugly and ugly with the low cut shirt that my in-charge bought for the girls for the dance performance. 

and till now im still coughing when wind blew on me and im having a blocked nose as usual and i think my nose bleed this morning when im bathing and the sight of it really frightened me and i felt so disgusted by it. 

food that will be deeply missed.

the steamed dumplings. tender skin and juicy. cheap as ever. 10 for sgd0.70(rmb3.50)

the original fried chicken by kfc. 

the dishes in jin ban wan.

singaporeans act like millionaires in cheena cause its so cheap for us to eat here. and we can eat good foodwith huge serving and it cost only like 5sgd for us sometimes. 

shopping spreeeeessss,tourist attractions.

we had our lab sessions from sunday to thursday.and fri and sats are our free days.

for the past 4weeks, we had a tour guide with us to bring us to:

• great wall- wonderful experience.so lucky of us, when we went there, it was actually snowing the previous day thus the pavements were so snowy.and it makes the pavements real slippery and one of the tourists fell down and injured his forehead and was bleeding and his precious blood dripped on the snow. brrr....drama.

the journey up the great wall was tiring but real cool. it was not as cold as my mum imagined. i wore 5layers fyi cause my mum kept reminding me every night the week when she knew that i was going great wall to wear more cause it will be real cold since my cousins claimed it was cold when she went there and my mum was so afraid that i might catch a cold. 

it was real cold in the beginning but i started sweating when i went up and that i took off my gloves and masks. and we took the similar type rollercoaster down the great wall.slow but dangerous. 

• the forbidden city;the most tiring sightseeing ever cause of the long corridor which is 700plus metres long and the forbidden city contains 9999/1/2 rooms.that morning was real cold and windy and i was still having swollen lips due to my sensitive lips. i used a lip balm that i never used before or rather in singapore i never used lip balm cause i knew im too sensitive for it. and the feeling was damn bad. and im feeling terrible and the wind didnt stop blowing anyway. and i think all my photos that i taken from forbidden city could be able to see my swollen lips. 

• tian an man square; woke up real early and one thing i hated about touring with tour agencies were that they wanted us to set off real early. i remembered i woke up like 5plus am for this trip. and the reason was to visit mao ze dong memorial hall with his body escalate up for tourists to look at his look. and fyi, i think he was injected with the do not decompose jab everyday so as to make sure that he will not go rot and his skin wont sulk.and it was more tedious then airport customs.yuu ned to go through one scanning and one scanning.it was damn frustrating also. 

the procedures went like this; we cannot take in any bags. no bags at all.so the tour guide took care of our bags then we need to queue up since we are not the only ones who wanted to go in. and the opening hours were real short. from 8am to 11am every monday to friday i think. and once we were reaching the hall, the customs scanning thing started. belts, watches will make the peeeeeeeeeeeppppp sound.irritating as ever. then queue again and there is a mini attached house for yuu to buy flowers to put it outside for mao ze dong. and i thought by queuing so long i can see the PLS DO NOT DECOMPOSE body for a little longer. just a little longer and i swear i just saw the thing with just a blink of my eyes. brrrr.......less then 2mins. really. 

at least i went to such a place in beijing.brrrr........ i wonder if our singapore grandpa mr lee when he said gdbye to the world, will there be such a huge memorial hall for him. i really wonder now. 

the summer palace, temple of heaven, beijing universities,ming tombs were must go tourist attractions.

and when i went to temple of heaven last fri, i wore the xiang xiang princess costume and took photos. and we were nearly lost from there. from the south gate to north gate takes us 798m.and we were cold and hungry that moment of time.

silk street, xidan, ming zhu, 77th street plaza, ya show .... the must go shopping hunt outs. 

ive so much to say about this 6weeks stay in beijing.

the weather is real dry and the wind is real chilling. this is smth yuu will not get to experience in singapore. 

the girls in cheena i meant from wad i saw in the xmas performance. they are real B I T C H Y.

AND to think i saw that GIRL LOOK ALIKE IN BEIJING.YIKES.she even want to haunt ME WHEN I CAME ALL THE WAY TO BEIJING.WTH!! 

minus those idiotic actions that some idiotic ppl did. minus those cheena that had no basic courtesy and basic manners. minus those spittings on the floor whenever we walked around in the city. minus those toilets that don have doors and the women kept knocking on your door when yuu are doing your business. and woman when doing business don close door and its damn off. OHMYGOSH.

beijing is kinda dirty since i had lived in such a clean country for the past 20years and i never dare to go to beijing's toilets. 10000000000000times worst then thailand and malaysia. 

im so excited to go home and phew.my luggage not over-weight (:  

i miss yuu so much aisya.

every night i read the small postcard yuu wrote for me.so sweet and there will be times that i miss my mummie and daddiee so much that i teared a little when i read. 

I AM FINALLY COMING BACK TO SPEND 2009!!!